Lesson 5 of 6 · What feeds it
Two. The comparison feed
Everyone else has their people. You can see the photographs.
What you are looking at is other people's edited highlights, taken on their best evenings, next to your own ordinary Tuesday from the inside. Nobody posts the two hours of nothing much. The comparison is not merely unfair, it is not a comparison at all, because the two things are not the same kind of object.
It also lands exactly where it does most damage. Straight into the conclusion that everybody else was issued with something you were not.
There is a verse aimed unusually precisely at this, and it is not a correction of your feelings. Do not gaze longingly at what We have given some of them to enjoy, the finery of this present life: We test them through this, but the provision of your Lord is better and more lasting. Notice what is said about the thing you are looking at. It is named as a test for the people who have it, not as a prize they were handed and you were not. And where the pull is to compare, the instruction is to ask rather than to conclude: do not covet what Allah has given to some of you more than others, you should rather ask Allah for some of His bounty.
Qur’an and Sunnah
Aimed unusually precisely at the comparison, and it is not a correction of your feelings. Notice what is said about the thing you are looking at. It is named as a test for the people who have it, not as a prize they were handed and you were not.
وَلَا تَمُدَّنَّ عَيۡنَيۡكَ إِلَىٰ مَا مَتَّعۡنَا بِهِۦٓ أَزۡوَٰجࣰ ا مِّنۡهُمۡ زَهۡرَةَ ٱلۡحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنۡيَا لِنَفۡتِنَهُمۡ فِيهِۚ وَرِزۡقُ رَبِّكَ خَيۡرࣱ وَأَبۡقَىٰ
and do not gaze longingly at what We have given some of them to enjoy, the finery of this present life: We test them through this, but the provision of your Lord is better and more lasting
Qur’an 20:131
Where the pull is to compare, the instruction is to ask rather than to reach a conclusion about yourself.
وَلَا تَتَمَنَّوۡاْ مَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بِهِۦ بَعۡضَكُمۡ عَلَىٰ بَعۡضࣲۚ لِّلرِّجَالِ نَصِيبࣱ مِّمَّا ٱكۡتَسَبُواْۖ وَلِلنِّسَآءِ نَصِيبࣱ مِّمَّا ٱكۡتَسَبۡنَۚ وَسۡـَٔلُواْ ٱللَّهَ مِن فَضۡلِهِۦٓۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ بِكُلِّ شَيۡءٍ عَلِيمࣰ ا
Do not covet what God has given to some of you more than others- men have the portion they have earned; and women the portion they have earned- you should rather ask God for some of His bounty: He has full knowledge of everything
Qur’an 4:32
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.