Lesson 3 of 6 · What Islam actually asks of a parent
The Book gives its own picture of a parent teaching a child
Look at what Luqman does, because it is the only extended scene of its kind in the Book.
He speaks. That is the whole method. He calls his son my son, repeatedly, and then he reasons with him, about the worst thing a person can do, about prayer, about what to do when things go wrong, and about not turning his face away from people in arrogance. There is no instruction, no punishment and no threat anywhere in the scene.
And then, at the end of the passage, there is an instruction about voice. 31:19 opens: go at a moderate pace and lower your voice. We quote that clause and stop there, and it is the whole of what this step needs. A course about shouting turns out to have a verse about volume, sitting inside the Qur'an's own model of how a parent teaches a child.
Qur’an and Sunnah
Look at what Luqman does, because it is the only extended scene of its kind in the Book, and speaking is the whole method. He calls his son my son and reasons with him, here about the worst thing a person can do.
وَإِذۡ قَالَ لُقۡمَٰنُ لِٱبۡنِهِۦ وَهُوَ يَعِظُهُۥ يَٰبُنَيَّ لَا تُشۡرِكۡ بِٱللَّهِۖ إِنَّ ٱلشِّرۡكَ لَظُلۡمٌ عَظِيمࣱ
Luqman counselled his son, ‘My son, do not attribute any partners to God: attributing partners to Him is a terrible wrong.’
Qur’an 31:13
Still reasoning, and still my son. He is telling him what to do when things go wrong rather than threatening him with what happens if he does not.
يَٰبُنَيَّ أَقِمِ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأۡمُرۡ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِ وَٱنۡهَ عَنِ ٱلۡمُنكَرِ وَٱصۡبِرۡ عَلَىٰ مَآ أَصَابَكَۖ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ مِنۡ عَزۡمِ ٱلۡأُمُورِ
Keep up the prayer, my son; command what is right; forbid what is wrong; bear anything that happens to you steadfastly: these are things to be aspired to
Qur’an 31:17
And about not turning his face away from people in arrogance. What is worth noticing is what is absent across the whole scene. No instruction, no punishment and no threat anywhere in it.
وَلَا تُصَعِّرۡ خَدَّكَ لِلنَّاسِ وَلَا تَمۡشِ فِي ٱلۡأَرۡضِ مَرَحًاۖ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخۡتَالࣲ فَخُورࣲ
Do not turn your nose up at people, nor walk about the place arrogantly, for God does not love arrogant or boastful people
Qur’an 31:18
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.