Lesson 4 of 6 · Stopping the second thing
Why this rather than gritting your teeth
Two verses first, because they speak directly to the belief that you have been handed something impossible and have already failed it. God wishes to lighten your burden, and man was created weak. That is a statement about how the thing was made, not an accusation about you. Then the verse about capacity, which says that the standard you are failing is not the one that was set. Then the treatment approach that works on your relationship to the urge and to your own self judgement, rather than on eliminating the urge, which is the opposite of what a counter does.
Qur’an and Sunnah
This speaks directly to the belief that you have been handed something impossible and have already failed it. It is a statement about how the thing was made, not an accusation about you.
يُرِيدُ ٱللَّهُ أَن يُخَفِّفَ عَنكُمۡۚ وَخُلِقَ ٱلۡإِنسَٰنُ ضَعِيفࣰ ا
God wishes to lighten your burden; man was created weak
Qur’an 4:28
And the verse about capacity, which means the standard you are failing is not the one that was set.
لَا يُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ نَفۡسًا إِلَّا وُسۡعَهَاۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتۡ وَعَلَيۡهَا مَا ٱكۡتَسَبَتۡۗ رَبَّنَا لَا تُؤَاخِذۡنَآ إِن نَّسِينَآ أَوۡ أَخۡطَأۡنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تَحۡمِلۡ عَلَيۡنَآ إِصۡرࣰ ا كَمَا حَمَلۡتَهُۥ عَلَى ٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبۡلِنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تُحَمِّلۡنَا مَا لَا طَاقَةَ لَنَا بِهِۦۖ وَٱعۡفُ عَنَّا وَٱغۡفِرۡ لَنَا وَٱرۡحَمۡنَآۚ أَنتَ مَوۡلَىٰنَا فَٱنصُرۡنَا عَلَى ٱلۡقَوۡمِ ٱلۡكَٰفِرِينَ
God does not burden any soul with more than it can bear: each gains whatever good it has done, and suffers its bad- ‘ Lord, do not take us to task if we forget or make mistakes. Lord, do not burden us as You burdened those before us. Lord, do not burden us with more than we have strength to bear. Pardon us, forgive us, and have mercy on us. You are our Protector, so help us against the disbelievers.’
Qur’an 2:286
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
A small trial of acceptance and commitment therapy for this specific problem reported reduced viewing. It is small, and no effect sizes are given here because none were read off the paper directly, so treat it as a promising lead rather than proof.
A small trial of acceptance and commitment therapy for this specific problem, reporting reduced viewing. It is small, and no effect sizes are printed here because none were read off the paper in the research behind this course, so take the direction of the result rather than a number. What matters for this lesson is the approach. It works on how a person relates to an urge and to their own judgement of themselves, rather than on trying to delete the urge.
Twohig MP, Crosby JM (2010). Acceptance and commitment therapy as a treatment for problematic internet pornography viewing. Behavior Therapy, 41(3), 285 to 295 doi