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Areas › Focus, starting, and ADHD › Shame and stigma
Keep one or two plain facts ready for people who are genuinely curious, because that conversation is often worth having. It is a different conversation with somebody who has already decided. Listen for whether the person is asking or telling, and spend your energy accordingly, since there is usually somewhere better for it to go.
Argue with them in the most courteous way, for your Lord knows best who has strayed from His way (Quran 16:125). Courtesy is asked of you. Securing the verdict on the other person is not your job.
النحل
ٱدۡعُ إِلَىٰ سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِٱلۡحِكۡمَةِ وَٱلۡمَوۡعِظَةِ ٱلۡحَسَنَةِۖ وَجَٰدِلۡهُم بِٱلَّتِي هِيَ أَحۡسَنُۚ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ هُوَ أَعۡلَمُ بِمَن ضَلَّ عَن سَبِيلِهِۦ وَهُوَ أَعۡلَمُ بِٱلۡمُهۡتَدِينَ
[Prophet], call [people] to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good teaching. Argue with them in the most courteous way, for your Lord knows best who has strayed from His way and who is rightly guided
Qur’an 16:125read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A nationally representative survey measured how much social distance Americans wanted from children and adolescents with mental health problems, and identified what shapes that preference. It maps prejudice rather than telling you how to argue with it. Knowing that the pattern is widespread takes some of the personal sting out of meeting it in one particular person.
Martin JK, Pescosolido BA, Olafsdottir S, McLeod JD. (2007). The construction of fear: Americans' preferences for social distance from children and adolescents with mental health problems.. Journal of health and social behavior doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Trying to win over someone who is not asking a question costs you a great deal and changes very little.
The parts of this that look like lifestyle, meaning sleep, driving, drinking, appointments that get missed, are the parts carrying the most risk across a lifetime. They are also the most changeable parts.
By the time somebody comes for an assessment, the poor opinion of themselves is usually decades old. Assume it is there even when the person in front of you is visibly doing well.
Manuals rename things. Paediatric bipolar became disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, whole categories were reshuffled to line up with the international classification, and none of it changed who anybody was.