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Areas › Focus, starting, and ADHD › Feelings and focus
So instead of 'I should file these', try 'I want to be someone my family can rely on, and this is part of that'. The other half of this approach is letting the uncomfortable feeling sit there while you act, rather than waiting for it to clear first. Boredom, dread and irritation do not have to leave the room before you can start.
'I plead my grief and sorrow before God' (Quran 12:86). Jacob neither denies the feeling nor performs being fine. He takes it somewhere and carries on.
يوسف
قَالَ إِنَّمَآ أَشۡكُواْ بَثِّي وَحُزۡنِيٓ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ وَأَعۡلَمُ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ مَا لَا تَعۡلَمُونَ
He said, ‘I plead my grief and sorrow before God. I have knowledge from God that you do not have
Qur’an 12:86read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A meta-analysis of 306 experimental comparisons found that emotion regulation strategies differ a great deal in how well they work, with reappraising a situation and pushing a feeling down producing quite different outcomes. These were controlled experiments rather than ordinary life, so they support letting a feeling be present over trying to shut it off, without telling you how that goes on a Monday.
Webb TL, Miles E, Sheeran P. (2012). Dealing with feeling: a meta-analysis of the effectiveness of strategies derived from the process model of emotion regulation.. Psychological bulletin doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A reason drawn from your values is available right now, whereas a distant reward is not.
Nobody tolerates something unpleasant for no reason. Before starting anything difficult, get clear about what you want on the other side of it, in your own words.
When you cannot skip it, shorten it. Come for the meal and skip the drinks afterwards. Two hours of you at your best is worth more to everyone than five hours ending badly.
A real apology has no because in it. I would not have shouted if you had not looked at me like that is the argument again, wearing an apology's clothes.