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Areas › Focus, starting, and ADHD › Screens and attention
Two questions do most of the work: which platforms are you on, and what is it like for you on them. Asked early, without any warning tone, it makes online life an ordinary part of the picture rather than something that surfaces only after things have gone wrong. It also tells the person that this is sayable here, which matters later when there is something harder to say.
Do not let your wealth and your children distract you from remembering God (Quran 63:9). Even the good things are named as possible distractions, which is a reason to ask about all of someone's use and not only the obviously harmful part.
المنافقون
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا تُلۡهِكُمۡ أَمۡوَٰلُكُمۡ وَلَآ أَوۡلَٰدُكُمۡ عَن ذِكۡرِ ٱللَّهِۚ وَمَن يَفۡعَلۡ ذَٰلِكَ فَأُوْلَٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلۡخَٰسِرُونَ
Believers, do not let your wealth and your children distract you from remembering God: those who do so will be the ones who lose
Qur’an 63:9read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A review of the literature on problematic smartphone use in children and adolescents set out the risk factors that predict it, noting that comprehensive syntheses in this area are still scarce. It identifies what makes trouble more likely rather than validating any particular intake question. What it supports is treating this as a domain with known risk factors, rather than a topic you raise only when somebody complains.
Fischer-Grote L, Kothgassner OD, Felnhofer A. (2019). Risk factors for problematic smartphone use in children and adolescents: a review of existing literature.. Neuropsychiatrie : Klinik, Diagnostik, Therapie und Rehabilitation : Organ der Gesellschaft Osterreichischer Nervenarzte und Psychiater doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A question asked as routine gets an ordinary answer, while the same question asked after a crisis gets a defended one.
For a week, jot down what was going on just before you picked up the phone, what you were thinking while you scrolled, and how you felt when you put it down. Nothing cleverer than that.
Tell someone their phone is wrecking their sleep and you have handed them something to argue with. Ask instead what they notice on the mornings after a late scroll, and let them say it.
Some people are in this far enough that an hour a week will not reach them, and the places that could help are expensive or full. Saying so out loud is part of the work, not a failure of it.