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Areas › Worry and anxiety › Being seen and judged
Left too early it often ends with someone dropping out, and dropping out gets read as proof they were right about themselves all along. Once there is some individual practice behind you and a bit of tolerance for the discomfort, the same group becomes one of the most useful rooms you can sit in.
Content yourself with those who pray to their Lord morning and evening, seeking His approval (Quran 18:28). Whose room you sit in is a choice worth making deliberately, and worth making at the right moment.
الكهف
وَٱصۡبِرۡ نَفۡسَكَ مَعَ ٱلَّذِينَ يَدۡعُونَ رَبَّهُم بِٱلۡغَدَوٰةِ وَٱلۡعَشِيِّ يُرِيدُونَ وَجۡهَهُۥۖ وَلَا تَعۡدُ عَيۡنَاكَ عَنۡهُمۡ تُرِيدُ زِينَةَ ٱلۡحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنۡيَاۖ وَلَا تُطِعۡ مَنۡ أَغۡفَلۡنَا قَلۡبَهُۥ عَن ذِكۡرِنَا وَٱتَّبَعَ هَوَىٰهُ وَكَانَ أَمۡرُهُۥ فُرُطࣰ ا
Content yourself with those who pray to their Lord morning and evening, seeking His approval, and do not let your eyes turn away from them out of desire for the attractions of this worldly life: do not yield to those whose hearts We have made heedless of Our Quran, those who follow their own low desires, those whose ways are unbridled
Qur’an 18:28read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a trial with students who had social phobia and feared public speaking, guided internet self help reduced symptoms, and adding live group exposure sessions on top added little; there were only thirty eight participants, so read that carefully. Separately, two experiments found that belonging to several social groups went with less self focused attention among socially anxious people, which is one reason groups can help when the timing is right. That second finding is associational, not causal.
Tillfors M, Carlbring P, Furmark T, Lewenhaupt S, Spak M, Eriksson A, Westling BE, Andersson G. (2008). Treating university students with social phobia and public speaking fears: Internet delivered self-help with or without live group exposure sessions.. Depression and anxiety doi
Donaldson JL, Cruwys T, Dawel A, Stevens M, Chen J. (2026). Social identities reduce self-focused attention in social anxiety.. Behaviour research and therapy doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A group is a strong exposure, and strong exposures go best once you have some evidence behind you.
If you are close to withdrawing from everything already, a group is not the place to test that, so get individual support in place first.
Give the ladder a name that sounds like yours. Challenges you set yourself land completely differently from tasks you have been handed.
Build the ladder from what you do now, not from what you think you should be managing. If phone calls are currently impossible, the first rung sits somewhere below a phone call.
Unless you have turned up somewhere in fancy dress, you are not the main thing on anyone's mind. Most of the people around you are working out where to park and what they are going to eat.