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Areas › Worry and anxiety › What worry does
This lands very differently in a family than the words immature or lazy do. If you expect the emotional handling of a twenty year old from someone whose development is running late, you get failure and blame in a loop. Set expectations to where the person actually is, leave the support in place a while longer than feels necessary, and let the rest arrive in its own time.
let him whose provision is restricted spend according to what God has given him (Quran 65:7). What is asked of anyone is measured against what they have actually been given.
الطلاق
لِيُنفِقۡ ذُو سَعَةࣲ مِّن سَعَتِهِۦۖ وَمَن قُدِرَ عَلَيۡهِ رِزۡقُهُۥ فَلۡيُنفِقۡ مِمَّآ ءَاتَىٰهُ ٱللَّهُۚ لَا يُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ نَفۡسًا إِلَّا مَآ ءَاتَىٰهَاۚ سَيَجۡعَلُ ٱللَّهُ بَعۡدَ عُسۡرࣲ يُسۡرࣰ ا
and let the wealthy man spend according to his wealth. But let him whose provision is restricted spend according to what God has given him: God does not burden any soul with more than He has given it- after hardship, God will bring ease
Qur’an 65:7read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A systematic review of executive functioning and repetitive negative thinking in young people found the relationship is less firmly established there than it is in adults. The developmental picture at these ages is genuinely less settled than confident statements about it suggest. The practical move, matching what you expect to where the person is, stands on its own regardless of how that research resolves.
Mennies RJ, Stewart LC, Olino TM. (2021). The relationship between executive functioning and repetitive negative thinking in youth: A systematic review of the literature.. Clinical psychology review doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Expecting what someone cannot yet do produces failure, and failure produces blame.
Pulling away from people sits upstream of a good deal: low mood, social fear, and the slow shrinking of where someone is willing to go. Whatever the eventual label, getting a person back into contact is rarely wasted work.
The worst symptom is not always the one that costs the most. Ask what actually stops you doing things, and start there.
Once the surge is up it takes something like a quarter of an hour to drop, and nothing sensible said inside that window will land. Give it the time first.