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Areas › Worry and anxiety › What worry does
The look of the young person is doing the arguing, and it is very persuasive, so only a plain statement will counter it. Say that the parts used for planning, weighing up risk and holding back are the last to finish. Parents usually recognise what they have been watching once someone tells them this, and it turns a row about respect into a question about support.
God does not burden any soul with more than it can bear (Quran 2:286). A fair expectation is one matched to what the person can carry now.
البقرة
لَا يُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ نَفۡسًا إِلَّا وُسۡعَهَاۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتۡ وَعَلَيۡهَا مَا ٱكۡتَسَبَتۡۗ رَبَّنَا لَا تُؤَاخِذۡنَآ إِن نَّسِينَآ أَوۡ أَخۡطَأۡنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تَحۡمِلۡ عَلَيۡنَآ إِصۡرࣰ ا كَمَا حَمَلۡتَهُۥ عَلَى ٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبۡلِنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تُحَمِّلۡنَا مَا لَا طَاقَةَ لَنَا بِهِۦۖ وَٱعۡفُ عَنَّا وَٱغۡفِرۡ لَنَا وَٱرۡحَمۡنَآۚ أَنتَ مَوۡلَىٰنَا فَٱنصُرۡنَا عَلَى ٱلۡقَوۡمِ ٱلۡكَٰفِرِينَ
God does not burden any soul with more than it can bear: each gains whatever good it has done, and suffers its bad- ‘ Lord, do not take us to task if we forget or make mistakes. Lord, do not burden us as You burdened those before us. Lord, do not burden us with more than we have strength to bear. Pardon us, forgive us, and have mercy on us. You are our Protector, so help us against the disbelievers.’
Qur’an 2:286read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A systematic review of brain imaging studies in generalised anxiety disorder found the neurobiological base for the cognitive models clinicians teach is still thin. Tidy brain facts are worth offering with a light touch, since imaging evidence is usually less firm than the confident way it gets repeated. What a family can use is the general point that development carries on, rather than any precise figure.
Mochcovitch MD, da Rocha Freire RC, Garcia RF, Nardi AE. (2014). A systematic review of fMRI studies in generalized anxiety disorder: evaluating its neural and cognitive basis.. Journal of affective disorders doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
An adult appearance makes people expect adult judgement, so the mismatch has to be named before it can be seen.
Nerves before something new usually fade as you get the hang of the thing. Worry is expecting a bad ending. Anxiety is the body over-reacting to either. Three different problems, three different kinds of help.
When you assess a young person, take a reading of the adults as well: what they understand about the world their child lives in, and how comfortable they are in it.
Some fears are about nothing at all. Others are about something real that your mind has swollen out of shape. It is worth knowing which one you are holding, because they need different answers.