Sometimes a parent who seemed cold or impossible to please turns out to have been working with a different wiring altogether. Learning that can loosen something no amount of arguing with yourself would.

What the research says

A systematic review of twenty five studies of men's anxiety found it often appeared as irritability, risk taking or withdrawal rather than any admitted worry, with expectations about masculinity discouraging both disclosure and help seeking. That is one documented way a father's distance can be something other than what it looked like from the outside. It is about anxiety rather than autism, so treat it as an illustration that behaviour is often misread, not as evidence about any particular parent.

Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.