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Areas › Focus, starting, and ADHD › Remembering to do it
By the third stage shame has arrived, and shame makes people avoid the very systems that would help, because setting up a calendar means admitting there is something to manage. If you can catch the story early and name what is actually happening, to yourself and to the people relying on you, it stays a problem about setups while it still is one. That is easier to fix than a reputation.
You will not be blamed if you make a mistake, only for what your hearts deliberately intend (Quran 33:5). The measure God uses here is narrower than the one people around you may have started using.
الأحزاب
ٱدۡعُوهُمۡ لِأٓبَآئِهِمۡ هُوَ أَقۡسَطُ عِندَ ٱللَّهِۚ فَإِن لَّمۡ تَعۡلَمُوٓاْ ءَابَآءَهُمۡ فَإِخۡوَٰنُكُمۡ فِي ٱلدِّينِ وَمَوَٰلِيكُمۡۚ وَلَيۡسَ عَلَيۡكُمۡ جُنَاحࣱ فِيمَآ أَخۡطَأۡتُم بِهِۦ وَلَٰكِن مَّا تَعَمَّدَتۡ قُلُوبُكُمۡۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ غَفُورࣰ ا رَّحِيمًا
Name your adopted sons after their real fathers: this is more equitable in God’s eyes––if you do not know who their fathers are [they are your] ‘brothers-in-religion’ and proteges. You will not be blamed if you make a mistake, only for what your hearts deliberately intend; God is most forgiving and merciful
Qur’an 33:5read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A systematic review with meta regression looked at which specific behaviour change techniques explain why some activity and diet interventions succeed where others do not. What predicted success was the techniques in use, not the moral fibre of the people taking part. It is health behaviour research rather than work on shame or reputation, but it supports judging the setup ahead of the person.
Samdal GB, Eide GE, Barth T, Williams G, Meland E. (2017). Effective behaviour change techniques for physical activity and healthy eating in overweight and obese adults; systematic review and meta-regression analyses.. The international journal of behavioral nutrition and physical activity doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Once forgetting is heard as a description of your character, fixing it feels like a confession instead of a practical step.
When a task is missed it is usually not sitting somewhere being refused. It has gone off the radar altogether, the way a name goes when somebody asks you for it.
The more one person checks up, the more the other hides, and the more they hide the more the checking looks justified. Both are responding reasonably to the last move and nobody is having a good time.
Take one of the gaps you already have, the commute or the walk or the shower, and use it to ask what is coming up this week and what might be slipping. No new tool, no new app, just the question.