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Areas › Anger › What anger actually is
It is worth spending real time on your own account of the thing: where it comes from, what it is trying to do, what it costs. If you hold it as bad behaviour needing correction, that leaks into your tone, and the person in front of you feels corrected rather than helped. The method matters less than the stance you deliver it from.
God sent His tranquillity down on to His Messenger and the believers (Quran 48:26). Composure is something carried into the room, not something demanded from the person sitting opposite.
الفتح
إِذۡ جَعَلَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ فِي قُلُوبِهِمُ ٱلۡحَمِيَّةَ حَمِيَّةَ ٱلۡجَٰهِلِيَّةِ فَأَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ سَكِينَتَهُۥ عَلَىٰ رَسُولِهِۦ وَعَلَى ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ وَأَلۡزَمَهُمۡ كَلِمَةَ ٱلتَّقۡوَىٰ وَكَانُوٓاْ أَحَقَّ بِهَا وَأَهۡلَهَاۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ بِكُلِّ شَيۡءٍ عَلِيمࣰ ا
While the disbelievers had fury in their hearts- the fury of ignorance- God sent His tranquillity down on to His Messenger and the believers and made binding on them [their] promise to obey God, for that was more appropriate and fitting for them. God has full knowledge of all things
Qur’an 48:26read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A systematic review across anxiety, depression, substance, eating and borderline personality problems found that improvements in emotion regulation went alongside symptom improvement in each group, which supports treating regulation as a shared target rather than a separate trick per diagnosis. That is a reason to get your general account of emotion straight before choosing a method. The review pooled treatment outcome studies and did not test anything about the therapist's attitude, so that last step is an inference.
Sloan E, Hall K, Moulding R, Bryce S, Mildred H, Staiger PK. (2017). Emotion regulation as a transdiagnostic treatment construct across anxiety, depression, substance, eating and borderline personality disorders: A systematic review.. Clinical psychology review doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
People can tell when they are being treated as a problem, and they stop telling you things.
Some anger arrives with an argument already inside it: that they disrespected you, that this is not how you are meant to be treated. It burns cooler than the sudden kind and it lasts much longer.
What overpowered Darwin at that glass was not the snake. It was his picture of what the snake was about to do, and that is usually what overpowers you too.
Anger shown early sometimes stops things going further. A clear no at the start can prevent the whole conversation that would have ended much worse.