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Areas › Anger › What anger actually is
It explains why sensible arguments made to yourself mid-surge do so little. What does reach it goes through the body and through attention: a longer breath out, feet on the floor, naming what you notice, and the same move repeated often enough to become the default. Argument has its place afterwards, when there is somebody home to argue with.
when the foolish address them, reply, Peace (Quran 25:63). A short trained response, ready before the provocation arrives, is the kind that actually gets used.
الفرقان
وَعِبَادُ ٱلرَّحۡمَٰنِ ٱلَّذِينَ يَمۡشُونَ عَلَى ٱلۡأَرۡضِ هَوۡنࣰ ا وَإِذَا خَاطَبَهُمُ ٱلۡجَٰهِلُونَ قَالُواْ سَلَٰمࣰ ا
The servants of the Lord of Mercy are those who walk humbly on the earth, and who, when the foolish address them, reply, ‘Peace’
Qur’an 25:63read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a randomised controlled trial, brief internet-delivered programmes teaching either mindful awareness of emotion or reinterpreting situations both reduced problematic anger, with no clear advantage to combining the two. The attention route did about as well as the thinking route. Both were supported programmes, so this says less about practising alone with nobody checking in.
Bjureberg J, Ojala O, Berg A, Edvardsson E, Kolbeinsson Ö, Molander O, Morin E, Nordgren L, Palme K, Särnholm J, Wedin L, Rück C, Gross JJ, Hesser H. (2023). Targeting maladaptive anger with brief therapist-supported internet-delivered emotion regulation treatments: A randomized controlled trial.. Journal of consulting and clinical psychology doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A system that never dealt in language responds to what you do rather than what you say.
There is a rare genetic condition in which people trust everyone and read no threat at all in an angry face. It sounds lovely and it leaves them badly exposed.
Holding anger in does not hide it. It comes out in the face, the shoulders and the shortness of your answers, and the person opposite reads all of it.
The cooler, story-shaped anger is not the safer one. It lasts, it gets rehearsed, and it has time to make plans.