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Areas › Anger › What anger actually is
This cuts both ways. Do not envy a composure you know nothing about, and do not treat someone with a hot temperament as simply badly behaved. If your own calm feels more like holding your breath than like ease, that is worth saying to somebody rather than counting as success.
God sent His tranquillity down on to His Messenger and the believers (Quran 48:26). Real calm is described as something given and settling, which is not the same as a lid held down.
الفتح
إِذۡ جَعَلَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ فِي قُلُوبِهِمُ ٱلۡحَمِيَّةَ حَمِيَّةَ ٱلۡجَٰهِلِيَّةِ فَأَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ سَكِينَتَهُۥ عَلَىٰ رَسُولِهِۦ وَعَلَى ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ وَأَلۡزَمَهُمۡ كَلِمَةَ ٱلتَّقۡوَىٰ وَكَانُوٓاْ أَحَقَّ بِهَا وَأَهۡلَهَاۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ بِكُلِّ شَيۡءٍ عَلِيمࣰ ا
While the disbelievers had fury in their hearts- the fury of ignorance- God sent His tranquillity down on to His Messenger and the believers and made binding on them [their] promise to obey God, for that was more appropriate and fitting for them. God has full knowledge of all things
Qur’an 48:26read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A meta-analysis combining 241 effect sizes found habitual suppression, avoidance and rumination more strongly tied to anxiety, depression, eating and substance problems than reappraisal, problem solving and acceptance were protective. Keeping it all in is not a neutral achievement. The relationships are correlational, so they describe a pattern across samples rather than proving what causes what.
Aldao A, Nolen-Hoeksema S, Schweizer S. (2010). Emotion-regulation strategies across psychopathology: A meta-analytic review.. Clinical psychology review doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Stillness that comes from fear is a different state from stillness that comes from settling, even though they look alike.
A certain wariness is standard equipment. Nothing in this work is trying to leave you soft and open to whatever comes along.
The years you spent angry are not written off. The drive that wrecked things is the same drive available now for putting things right.
A lot of anger carries a hidden demand: you damaged how I feel about myself, so now you restore it. That leaves your steadiness in somebody else's hands.