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Areas › Anger › What anger actually is
The punch, the sentence you cannot take back, the resignation, the message sent. The threat reading is finished in about half a second while the part of you that could override it needs a couple of seconds more. So the whole plan lives in that gap: hands still, mouth shut, feet moving. Say nothing for a slow count of five and most of the damage becomes impossible.
do not be like the man in the whale who called out in distress (Quran 68:48). The warning lands on the moment of storming off, which is where the cost is decided.
القلم
فَٱصۡبِرۡ لِحُكۡمِ رَبِّكَ وَلَا تَكُن كَصَاحِبِ ٱلۡحُوتِ إِذۡ نَادَىٰ وَهُوَ مَكۡظُومࣱ
Wait patiently [Prophet] for your Lord’s judgement: do not be like the man in the whale who called out in distress
Qur’an 68:48read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a brain stimulation experiment, disrupting a region involved in holding back impulses increased both motor impulsivity and retaliation after provocation. Control appears to depend on a system that comes in slightly late and can be interfered with, which fits the idea of a narrow window. It was a small laboratory study with an artificial provocation task, so treat the timings as indicative.
Dambacher F, Sack AT, Lobbestael J, Arntz A, Brugman S, Schuhmann T. (2015). Out of control: evidence for anterior insula involvement in motor impulsivity and reactive aggression.. Social cognitive and affective neuroscience doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
The window in which harm gets done opens before the part of you that could stop it has arrived.
Picture the part of you that scans for threat as a guard on the door. Loyal, suspicious, remembers everything, gives nobody the benefit of the doubt. Excellent in a crisis, difficult company at dinner.
Darwin once stood with his face against the glass in front of a viper, quite determined not to move, and jumped backwards anyway when it struck. Deciding in advance does not govern a startle.
The speed of your reaction says something about how humans are built. It is not a report on how bad you are, and that difference is worth holding on to.