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Areas › Anger › The fear underneath anger
This is quietly hopeful. Anything picked up can be loosened, usually by meeting small doses of it and finding you survive. Try noticing which of these has the loudest voice for you, because most people have one that does most of the work, and it is often disapproval.
We are well aware that your heart is weighed down by what they say (Quran 15:97). The hurt of being talked about is acknowledged directly, without being called a weakness.
الحجر
وَلَقَدۡ نَعۡلَمُ أَنَّكَ يَضِيقُ صَدۡرُكَ بِمَا يَقُولُونَ
We are well aware that your heart is weighed down by what they say
Qur’an 15:97read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A study spanning ages 10 to 23 found that emotional reactivity declined with age, that regulating emotion by rethinking a situation improved, and that sensitivity to rejection peaked in mid-adolescence. These fears follow a developmental arc rather than being fixed equipment. It compared different ages at one time rather than following the same people, so the arc is inferred from the comparison.
Silvers JA, McRae K, Gabrieli JD, Gross JJ, Remy KA, Ochsner KN. (2012). Age-related differences in emotional reactivity, regulation, and rejection sensitivity in adolescence.. Emotion (Washington, D.C.) doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A fear that was learned can be unlearned, whereas a fear you believe you were born with feels like a life sentence.
Anger rescues you from an unbearable in between by handing you something to do. The relief is real, and that is exactly why it keeps coming back.
Nothing gives you notice. The bad news, the difficult person, the thing you were not ready for: none of it checks your diary first.
Nobody sat you down and taught you what to be afraid of. You picked it up from whatever happened around you, and you are carrying a set of alarms you never agreed to.