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Areas › Anger › What anger actually is
Both halves are true at once, which is why being told to just let it go never lands. The fire is doing a job. The question is not whether to put it out but how much of your life you are willing to spend inside the ring, and whether the things it keeps out are still out there.
Had you been harsh, or hard-hearted, they would have dispersed and left you (Quran 3:159). The cost named there is not sin, it is people going away.
آل عمران
فَبِمَا رَحۡمَةࣲ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمۡۖ وَلَوۡ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلۡقَلۡبِ لَٱنفَضُّواْ مِنۡ حَوۡلِكَۖ فَٱعۡفُ عَنۡهُمۡ وَٱسۡتَغۡفِرۡ لَهُمۡ وَشَاوِرۡهُمۡ فِي ٱلۡأَمۡرِۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمۡتَ فَتَوَكَّلۡ عَلَى ٱللَّهِۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُتَوَكِّلِينَ
By an act of mercy from God, you [Prophet] were gentle in your dealings with them- had you been harsh, or hard-hearted, they would have dispersed and left you- so pardon them and ask forgiveness for them. Consult with them about matters, then, when you have decided on a course of action, put your trust in God: God loves those who put their trust in Him
Qur’an 3:159read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a study of 103 combat veterans, high anger at the start of treatment predicted a poorer response to post-traumatic stress treatment nine months later. So anger can guard someone and at the same time block the recovery they came for. That was one clinical group carrying severe trauma, and it does not tell you the size of the effect for everyday anger.
Forbes D, Parslow R, Creamer M, Allen N, McHugh T, Hopwood M. (2008). Mechanisms of anger and treatment outcome in combat veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder.. Journal of traumatic stress doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
The same heat that holds people at a distance is what stops them coming close.
Anger shown early sometimes stops things going further. A clear no at the start can prevent the whole conversation that would have ended much worse.
There is a rare genetic condition in which people trust everyone and read no threat at all in an angry face. It sounds lovely and it leaves them badly exposed.
Part of what makes anger attractive is how simple it makes everything. Working out who was right and what to do next is slow and uncertain, and anger hands you an answer straight away.