The person roaring at you is very often the most frightened one in the room. Holding that in mind steadies you, and your steadiness is a good half of what settles them.

What the research says

A trial with 65 patients found that higher shame and guilt at the start predicted more severe post-traumatic symptoms, and that weekly reductions in shame were followed by reductions in symptoms. What sits under the anger is worth taking seriously in its own right. An early review of compassion-focused therapy found it promising for people driven by shame and self-criticism, while noting the evidence base was small at that point.

Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.