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Areas › Anger › When anger turns to harm
The ways this happens are ordinary and awful. A method more dangerous than the person realised. The friend who was meant to arrive, arriving late. A couple of drinks that changed the arithmetic. Someone can genuinely not want to die and die anyway. So the assessment is the same in either case, and a confident read on intent earns nobody a shortcut past it.
If anger in your home has become frightening for anyone, self help is not the right tool. Please reach for real help.
Nor take a life, which God has made sacred (Quran 25:68). A life keeps that weight whether or not anybody intended to take it.
الفرقان
وَٱلَّذِينَ لَا يَدۡعُونَ مَعَ ٱللَّهِ إِلَٰهًا ءَاخَرَ وَلَا يَقۡتُلُونَ ٱلنَّفۡسَ ٱلَّتِي حَرَّمَ ٱللَّهُ إِلَّا بِٱلۡحَقِّ وَلَا يَزۡنُونَۚ وَمَن يَفۡعَلۡ ذَٰلِكَ يَلۡقَ أَثَامࣰ ا
those who never invoke any other deity beside God, nor take a life, which God has made sacred, except in the pursuit of justice, nor commit adultery. (Whoever does these things will face the penalties)
Qur’an 25:68read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A systematic review found the evidence base for non-pharmacological interventions to reduce violence in serious mental illness is uncertain, partly because most approaches had been borrowed from offender populations. When a field is that unsettled, confidence about any one person in front of you is hard to justify. The safer position is to treat the risk as real rather than to lean on a judgement about what someone truly meant.
Rampling J, Furtado V, Winsper C, Marwaha S, Lucca G, Livanou M, Singh SP. (2016). Non-pharmacological interventions for reducing aggression and violence in serious mental illness: A systematic review and narrative synthesis.. European psychiatry : the journal of the Association of European Psychiatrists doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Whether an act kills depends on the method and the circumstances, not on what was meant by it.
If you are unsure whether someone is safe tonight, treat that uncertainty as a no and act on it.
Whatever is driving it, behaviour that frightens someone is frightening. The reason behind it does not soften what it was like to stand on the other side of it.
Some true things cannot be said early. A reframe that would land well in the tenth conversation will end the second one.
Ask it plainly. Do you think you are a threat to anyone you love? A vague anger problem turns into something workable the moment it has a name attached to it.