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Areas › Anger › When anger turns to harm
Then keep going, because the follow up questions carry most of the weight. Has there been any thought of killing someone, or of dying. What is in the house, and could it be somewhere else for a while. Most people answer honestly when the asking is steady and unshocked, and the question that gets skipped is nearly always the one about means.
If anger in your home has become frightening for anyone, self help is not the right tool. Please reach for real help.
If any saves a life it is as if he saves the lives of all mankind (Quran 5:32). One awkward question, asked once, is weighed on that scale.
المائدة
مِنۡ أَجۡلِ ذَٰلِكَ كَتَبۡنَا عَلَىٰ بَنِيٓ إِسۡرَٰٓءِيلَ أَنَّهُۥ مَن قَتَلَ نَفۡسَۢا بِغَيۡرِ نَفۡسٍ أَوۡ فَسَادࣲ فِي ٱلۡأَرۡضِ فَكَأَنَّمَا قَتَلَ ٱلنَّاسَ جَمِيعࣰ ا وَمَنۡ أَحۡيَاهَا فَكَأَنَّمَآ أَحۡيَا ٱلنَّاسَ جَمِيعࣰ اۚ وَلَقَدۡ جَآءَتۡهُمۡ رُسُلُنَا بِٱلۡبَيِّنَٰتِ ثُمَّ إِنَّ كَثِيرࣰ ا مِّنۡهُم بَعۡدَ ذَٰلِكَ فِي ٱلۡأَرۡضِ لَمُسۡرِفُونَ
On account of [his deed], We decreed to the Children of Israel that if anyone kills a person- unless in retribution for murder or spreading corruption in the land- it is as if he kills all mankind, while if any saves a life it is as if he saves the lives of all mankind. Our messengers came to them with clear signs, but many of them continued to commit excesses in the land
Qur’an 5:32read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Among men arrested for domestic violence, antisocial traits, low distress tolerance and alcohol problems predicted violence, which gives you concrete things to enquire about rather than a general impression. It was a cross-sectional study, so treat these as markers worth asking after and not a formula for who will do what. Formal risk tools exist and are worth using where they are available to you.
Brem MJ, Florimbio AR, Elmquist J, Shorey RC, Stuart GL. (2018). Antisocial Traits, Distress Tolerance, and Alcohol Problems as Predictors of Intimate Partner Violence in Men Arrested for Domestic Violence.. Psychology of violence doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Risk you have asked about in specific terms is risk you can plan around.
If the answers suggest real risk, this stops being something to carry alone: bring in supervision, crisis services, and whatever your local duty to warn requires.
When someone introduces themselves as an abuser, take the word seriously without treating it as the finding. A label names a category of offence, not what is actually going on in them.
Imagining revenge is ordinary and on its own tells you very little. What matters is whether it has started collecting details: a particular person, a method, a time, something bought or moved.
Before anything else, take seriously what self-injury is doing for a person. Pain in the body can be easier to hold than pain in the mind, and a hurt you chose yourself can feel like control coming back.