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Areas › Anger › Cool the body first
It helps that you are not being asked to do nothing. The mouth is already open and the breath is already moving, so you are redirecting something that is under way rather than starting from cold. Keep the lips narrow, let the out breath run long, and let whatever you were going to say wait until it finishes.
Remember your Lord inwardly, in all humility and awe, without raising your voice (Quran 7:205). Bringing the volume down is asked of you in the plainest way here, and the breath is where it starts.
الأعراف
وَٱذۡكُر رَّبَّكَ فِي نَفۡسِكَ تَضَرُّعࣰ ا وَخِيفَةࣰ وَدُونَ ٱلۡجَهۡرِ مِنَ ٱلۡقَوۡلِ بِٱلۡغُدُوِّ وَٱلۡأٓصَالِ وَلَا تَكُن مِّنَ ٱلۡغَٰفِلِينَ
[Prophet], remember your Lord inwardly, in all humility and awe, without raising your voice, in the mornings and in the evenings- do not be one of the heedless
Qur’an 7:205read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a randomised trial with musicians, a single session of slow breathing biofeedback lowered performance anxiety, which suggests one stretch of controlled breathing can shift how a charged moment feels. That was one session with a small group of performers rather than people mid argument, so take it as encouragement rather than proof.
Wells R, Outhred T, Heathers JA, Quintana DS, Kemp AH. (2012). Matter over mind: a randomised-controlled trial of single-session biofeedback training on performance anxiety and heart rate variability in musicians.. PloS one doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A long, quiet out breath tells the body the emergency is easing, and it is very hard to shout and breathe out slowly at the same time.
If techniques and explanations are not for you, carry a bottle of water and drink it down whenever you feel yourself going up. That is the whole method.
Rest your fingertips against one another and let your attention go to the place where they meet. It is a small piece of contact that is always available to you.
Anger leaves fuel in the body with nowhere to go. Spend it on something physical, without replaying the argument while you do.