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Areas › Anger › Equanimity and perspective
The words are not cosmetic. Outraged narration keeps the body up, and curiosity is hard to hold at the same time as fury. Choose your replacement sentence in advance, something plain you would actually say, and use it on the small daily annoyances so it is there when you need it for something bigger.
Our Lord! You have not created all this without purpose (Quran 3:191). A very different sentence to be saying while you look at something you do not yet understand.
آل عمران
ٱلَّذِينَ يَذۡكُرُونَ ٱللَّهَ قِيَٰمࣰ ا وَقُعُودࣰ ا وَعَلَىٰ جُنُوبِهِمۡ وَيَتَفَكَّرُونَ فِي خَلۡقِ ٱلسَّمَٰوَٰتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِ رَبَّنَا مَا خَلَقۡتَ هَٰذَا بَٰطِلࣰ ا سُبۡحَٰنَكَ فَقِنَا عَذَابَ ٱلنَّارِ
who remember God standing, sitting, and lying down, who reflect on the creation of the heavens and earth: ‘Our Lord! You have not created all this without purpose- You are far above that!- so protect us from the torment of the Fire
Qur’an 3:191read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a trial with people recovered from depression, mindfulness based cognitive therapy and cognitive therapy both prevented relapse, each through its own marker: standing back from thoughts in one, shifting rigid beliefs in the other. Changing how you habitually talk to yourself is a recognised route to changing how you feel. That is one trial in a particular group rather than a general law about self talk.
Norman A. S. Farb; Adam K. Anderson; Arun Ravindran; Lance L. Hawley; Julie Irving; Enza Mancuso (2017). Prevention of relapse/recurrence in major depressive disorder with either mindfulness-based cognitive therapy or cognitive therapy.. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
The way you narrate a moment either keeps the feeling going or lets it settle.
Light bounces off a face, lands at the back of your eye, and becomes a signal your brain assembles into a person. What you see is a reconstruction, a very good one, and never quite the thing itself.
Some reactions really do just happen, like a wind up toy pointed forwards, banging into whatever is in the way. That is a description of the problem rather than an excuse for it.
Try putting a qualifier on the front of your strongest claims. In some ways this is true. In some ways it is not. In some ways I cannot tell from here.