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Areas › Anger › Equanimity and perspective
Softening how you say something is not conceding it. It is the difference between being heard and being braced against. Listen for the tells in your own delivery: the volume creeping up, the small jab tucked inside a fair sentence, the tone that says you should have known this already. Take those out and the argument survives intact.
Whoever does good does it for his own soul and whoever does evil does it against his own soul (Quran 41:46). How you say a thing comes back to you, whatever the merits of what you said.
فصلت
مَّنۡ عَمِلَ صَٰلِحࣰ ا فَلِنَفۡسِهِۦۖ وَمَنۡ أَسَآءَ فَعَلَيۡهَاۗ وَمَا رَبُّكَ بِظَلَّٰمࣲ لِّلۡعَبِيدِ
Whoever does good does it for his own soul and whoever does evil does it against his own soul: your Lord is never unjust to His creatures
Qur’an 41:46read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In an observational multilevel study, both trait and state mindfulness predicted lower aggressiveness, and anger rumination accounted for part of both paths. Less time spent chewing on a grievance seems to mean less of it coming out at people. The design is observational, so it tells you what goes together rather than what causes what.
Eisenlohr-Moul TA, Peters JR, Pond RS, DeWall CN. (2016). Both trait and state mindfulness predict lower aggressiveness via anger rumination: A multilevel mediation analysis.. Mindfulness doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
People defend themselves against the tone first and never get as far as the content.
Look back at a fight you went out of your way to have and pride is often what was driving. Being right and being respected feel like needs in the moment, and they cost far more than they return.
You do not have to jump straight to understanding. Try the step before it: hands open, honestly puzzled, help me see what just happened here.
Try putting a qualifier on the front of your strongest claims. In some ways this is true. In some ways it is not. In some ways I cannot tell from here.