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Areas › Low mood and hard feelings › Emotions as signals
So as the feeling rises, keep laying it out: this is what happened, this is what my body did, this is what I was afraid it meant. If your chest is racing and the words have gone, you have gone past the useful edge; slow the breathing, put both feet on the floor and come back to the ordering. The aim is to feel it while still being able to think, because that is the state in which anything new gets learned.
After sorrow, He caused calm to descend upon you, a sleep that overtook some of you (Quran 3:154). Calm arriving after the sorrow, rather than instead of it, is the shape being described here.
آل عمران
ثُمَّ أَنزَلَ عَلَيۡكُم مِّنۢ بَعۡدِ ٱلۡغَمِّ أَمَنَةࣰ نُّعَاسࣰ ا يَغۡشَىٰ طَآئِفَةࣰ مِّنكُمۡۖ وَطَآئِفَةࣱ قَدۡ أَهَمَّتۡهُمۡ أَنفُسُهُمۡ يَظُنُّونَ بِٱللَّهِ غَيۡرَ ٱلۡحَقِّ ظَنَّ ٱلۡجَٰهِلِيَّةِۖ يَقُولُونَ هَل لَّنَا مِنَ ٱلۡأَمۡرِ مِن شَيۡءࣲۗ قُلۡ إِنَّ ٱلۡأَمۡرَ كُلَّهُۥ لِلَّهِۗ يُخۡفُونَ فِيٓ أَنفُسِهِم مَّا لَا يُبۡدُونَ لَكَۖ يَقُولُونَ لَوۡ كَانَ لَنَا مِنَ ٱلۡأَمۡرِ شَيۡءࣱ مَّا قُتِلۡنَا هَٰهُنَاۗ قُل لَّوۡ كُنتُمۡ فِي بُيُوتِكُمۡ لَبَرَزَ ٱلَّذِينَ كُتِبَ عَلَيۡهِمُ ٱلۡقَتۡلُ إِلَىٰ مَضَاجِعِهِمۡۖ وَلِيَبۡتَلِيَ ٱللَّهُ مَا فِي صُدُورِكُمۡ وَلِيُمَحِّصَ مَا فِي قُلُوبِكُمۡۚ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمُۢ بِذَاتِ ٱلصُّدُورِ
After sorrow, He caused calm to descend upon you, a sleep that overtook some of you. Another group, caring only for themselves, entertained false thoughts about God, thoughts more appropriate to pagan ignorance, and said, ‘Do we get a say in any of this?’ [Prophet], tell them, ‘Everything to do with this affair is in God’s hands.’ They conceal in their hearts things they will not reveal to you. They say, ‘If we had had our say in this, none of us would have been killed here.’ Tell them, ‘Even if you had resolved to stay at home, those who were destined to be killed would still have gone out to meet their deaths.’ God did this in order to test everything within you and in order to prove what is in your hearts. God knows your innermost thoughts very well
Qur’an 3:154read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A systematic review and meta-analysis of 15 studies covering 1,244 people found that treatment built explicitly around emotion regulation produced large reductions in anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive and panic symptoms, with moderate shifts towards more helpful strategies. That is real support for working on how feeling is handled rather than only on what it is about. Fifteen studies is a modest base, so the size of the effect may soften as more arrive.
Sakiris N, Berle D. (2019). A systematic review and meta-analysis of the Unified Protocol as a transdiagnostic emotion regulation based intervention.. Clinical psychology review doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
You can only make sense of a feeling while you are still able to think alongside it.
If going into a feeling reliably tips you into panic or into memories you cannot get out of, do this work with a therapist rather than alone.
You do not have to reflect back everything a person just told you. Pick up the part that carries the weight and say that much.
Going numb is a good way to survive something and a poor way to live near someone. It shuts the line in both directions at once.
Every feeling comes with something it wants you to do. Catching the move before you make it is most of the skill.