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Areas › Your marriage › Knowing your partner
Can you just hold me a minute. Asking directly is braver, and far more likely to work.
Call upon Me and I will answer (Qur'an 40:60). A plain, honest ask is the kind most likely to be met, from God and from those who love us.
غافر
وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ٱدۡعُونِيٓ أَسۡتَجِبۡ لَكُمۡۚ إِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ يَسۡتَكۡبِرُونَ عَنۡ عِبَادَتِي سَيَدۡخُلُونَ جَهَنَّمَ دَاخِرِينَ
Your Lord says, ‘Call on Me and I will answer you; those who are too proud to serve Me will enter Hell humiliated.’
Qur’an 40:60read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Johnson's bonding conversation turns on the direct request, can you just hold me a minute, rather than the hint or the sulk. It is the braver move and the more effective one, because your spouse can only meet a need they can hear.
Susan M. Johnson (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown
Conversation 4, Hold Me Tight. The bonding conversation: each partner states the attachment need plainly, hold me, tell me I matter, and the other answers it. Johnson holds this reach and response is the change event of the therapy, not a by-product of it.
Strength of evidence: seen more than once. Replicated observational or longitudinal work, not tested against a control.
Direct requests for comfort are more readily met than hints or sulks.
Where this sits: EFT, Hold Me Tight Conversation 4: asking plainly for comfort.