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Areas › Low mood and hard feelings › Ride the urge
The peak of an urge is brief. A short, deliberate delay lets the thinking mind back in.
The God-conscious restrain their rage and pardon others (Qur'an 3:134). Restraint is a pause held just long enough for mercy to return.
آل عمران
ٱلَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلۡكَٰظِمِينَ ٱلۡغَيۡظَ وَٱلۡعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُحۡسِنِينَ
who give, both in prosperity and adversity, who restrain their anger and pardon people- God loves those who do good
Qur’an 3:134read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Impulses crest and fall quickly. A deliberate pause of a few breaths is usually enough to outlast the peak and choose freely.
Bowen, S.; Marlatt, A. (2009). Surfing the urge: Brief mindfulness-based intervention for college student smokers. Psychology of Addictive Behaviors doi
Watching an urge rise and fall without acting on it (urge surfing) reduced smoking, showing urges pass on their own if not fed.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A brief delay spans the peak of an urge, after which real choice returns.
Where this sits: Mindfulness-based urge surfing (relapse prevention).
When an urge rises, neither fight it nor obey it. Watch it like a wave: it peaks and it falls.
Drink can make talking easy and still leave you with friendships that feel like nothing. Worth noticing which of those two you actually came for.
If the size of the feeling does not match the size of what just happened, it is probably carrying something older into the room.