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Areas › Your marriage › Knowing your partner
Not how was your day. What is heavy right now. Then carry a corner of it in your mind.
The believers are protectors of one another (Qur'an 9:71). To know what your spouse carries is the first act of protecting them.
التوبة
وَٱلۡمُؤۡمِنُونَ وَٱلۡمُؤۡمِنَٰتُ بَعۡضُهُمۡ أَوۡلِيَآءُ بَعۡضࣲۚ يَأۡمُرُونَ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِ وَيَنۡهَوۡنَ عَنِ ٱلۡمُنكَرِ وَيُقِيمُونَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَيُؤۡتُونَ ٱلزَّكَوٰةَ وَيُطِيعُونَ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥٓۚ أُوْلَٰٓئِكَ سَيَرۡحَمُهُمُ ٱللَّهُۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمࣱ
The believers, both men and women, support each other; they order what is right and forbid what is wrong; they keep up the prayer and pay the prescribed alms; they obey God and His Messenger. God will give His mercy to such people: God is almighty and wise
Qur’an 9:71read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A love map is Gottman's term for the working picture you hold of your partner's inner world, and it goes stale unless it is updated. Asking what is weighing on them this week, and remembering the answer, aims your care at what is actually happening.
John M. Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown
Principle 1, Enhance Your Love Map. Emotionally intelligent couples keep a detailed internal map of the partner's world, their worries, hopes, history and daily pressures, and that stored knowledge is what keeps them oriented to each other when life changes.
Strength of evidence: seen more than once. Replicated observational or longitudinal work, not tested against a control.
Knowing a partner's current stresses lets support land where it is actually needed.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Build Love Maps; knowing this week's worries and stresses.