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Areas › Your marriage › Answering bids
Not conceding for peace. Finding the part of what they say that is right, and yielding to it.
The believers conduct their affairs by mutual consultation (Qur'an 42:38). Shared counsel is the Qur'an's own model of decision.
الشورى
وَٱلَّذِينَ ٱسۡتَجَابُواْ لِرَبِّهِمۡ وَأَقَامُواْ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأَمۡرُهُمۡ شُورَىٰ بَيۡنَهُمۡ وَمِمَّا رَزَقۡنَٰهُمۡ يُنفِقُونَ
respond to their Lord; keep up the prayer; conduct their affairs by mutual consultation; give to others out of what We have provided for them
Qur’an 42:38read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Gottman's newlywed research found that partners who let their spouse genuinely influence a decision have far more stable relationships than those who resist it. Letting their view actually move yours is sharing power, not conceding.
John M. Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown
Principle 4, Let Your Partner Influence You. A marriage works when each partner yields on something in order to win the relationship, and a husband who refuses to accept influence is at high risk of the marriage ending.
Gottman, J.; Coan, J.; Carrere, S.; Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting Marital Happiness and Stability from Newlywed Interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family doi
Newlywed interaction patterns; accepting influence; soft start-up.
Strength of evidence: seen more than once. Replicated observational or longitudinal work, not tested against a control.
Accepting influence signals respect and predicts a more stable bond.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Manage Conflict; Accepting Influence (sharing power in a real decision).