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Areas › Your marriage › Knowing your partner
Behind a firm stance is usually a history and a dream. Share yours honestly instead of just defending it.
We made you into peoples so that you should recognize one another (Quran 49:13). To be truly known, dreams and all, is part of why you were joined.
الحجرات
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقۡنَٰكُم مِّن ذَكَرࣲ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلۡنَٰكُمۡ شُعُوبࣰ ا وَقَبَآئِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوٓاْۚ إِنَّ أَكۡرَمَكُمۡ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَتۡقَىٰكُمۡۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرࣱ
People, We created you all from a single man and a single woman, and made you into races and tribes so that you should recognize one another. In God’s eyes, the most honoured of you are the ones most mindful of Him: God is all knowing, all aware
Qur’an 49:13read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
The speaker's role in Gottman's dreams within conflict exercise is to tell the history and meaning behind a position rather than defend it. A rigid stance usually makes sense once its story is told.
John M. Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown
Principle 6, Dreams Within Conflict. Gridlock persists because a life dream is hidden inside the position. The Dream Catcher's task is to ask about the dream and honour it rather than to argue the position.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Explaining the history and meaning behind your position lets your partner understand you rather than fight you.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Manage Conflict; Dreams Within Conflict (the Dream Speaker).