Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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154 practices

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Coaching for adult ADHD comes down mostly to one thing: a standing appointment with somebody who will ask how it went. That sounds thin until you have tried keeping a plan alive entirely on your own.

A coach is not a therapist and does not need to be. They hold the horizon you keep losing and the fortnight that has quietly gone by, and they make…

Twenty minutesTreatment and medicationCBTQur’an 42:38One line of research

Paying someone to help sort the house will not mend the marriage. It will remove one of the things you fight about most weeks, and that counts for more than it sounds.

Nobody should pretend this reaches anything deep. The point is arithmetic. A couple has a certain number of rows in them, and if the living room is…

LongerTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 94:5One line of research

A relationship with no friction in it can leave an ADHD partner restless rather than content. A bit of heat is not the same as a bad marriage. What matters is what happens afterwards.

Plenty of couples decide that any argument means something is broken, and then start managing each other into blandness, which nobody enjoys. The…

Five minutesUse your strengthsADHD skillsQur’an 2:148One line of research

With children, practise the hard social moment rather than explaining it. Act out asking to join a game, or losing one, a few times at home where nothing is at stake.

Keep it light and short, let them play both parts, and be the one who gets it wrong sometimes so it does not feel like a test. Pick the situation…

Five minutesWhat ADHD actually isADHD skillsQur’an 20:115

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

When everything feels flat

The moment before you snap

What you are actually defending

Use your strengths

Making it stick

Righteous anger and perfectionism

Cool the body first

Your nervous system

Structure and routine

Grounding and settling

One line of research

ADHD reaches into a marriage in ways couples rarely say out loud: attention drifting during a conversation that mattered, or a partner who has started to feel like an unpaid manager. It is a fair thing to talk about and to get help with.

The hurt usually comes from what each of you concludes rather than from the behaviour itself. One reads distraction as not being loved, the other…

Twenty minutesWhat ADHD actually isADHD skillsQur’an 11:118One line of research

When somebody says they were not scared, they just do not like being disrespected, take the dislike seriously. We dislike what threatens us, and that is why we avoid it.

The move keeps everyone's dignity intact. You are not telling a person they were frightened, you are pointing out that disliking something and being…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 70:20One line of research

If somebody insists they were not afraid of the disrespect, agree with them. Good, because if there was nothing to fear then the words were safe, and safe things can be left alone.

Whichever way the answer goes it is useful. Either the fear is now on the table, or the disrespect has just been agreed to be harmless, and the next…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 7:199One line of research

There is a difference between being afraid and being seen as afraid, and it is usually the second one people are defending. Worth asking which of the two is actually the problem.

Once somebody can say the trouble is what others would make of it, the whole reputational job anger has been doing comes into view. Often the belief…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 12:53One line of research

Certainty closes a mind and a moment of not quite following opens it again. Sometimes the most useful thing you can say is the sentence that takes a second to work out.

Ask what it would mean if somebody were not afraid of being afraid, and let the puzzle sit for a beat. In that small gap the ready made…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 21:37One line of research

Your family had its own rules about anger, quite apart from anything cultural. Those are the ones that shaped you, and they can be renegotiated.

Name two of them plainly. Nobody leaves the table. Whoever shouts loudest wins. We do not mention it the next day. Then ask which you still want.…

Twenty minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 2:263One line of research

Expect the fear underneath to be denied, and do not push against the denial. This idea has to be worked in gently rather than argued in.

Coming at somebody head on with what they are defending sets off exactly the threat response you were hoping to treat. Small, low pressure versions…

LongerWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 68:48One line of research

You will not get the honest version in one go. Ask, let it be refused, carry on with something else, then come back to it later in the same conversation.

A defended story does not collapse, it wears down. Each pass takes a little off it, and the person needs the gaps in between to do the actual…

LongerWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 15:47One line of research

Understanding an idea is not the same as being changed by it. The explaining is soil preparation, and the crop comes later.

Somebody can follow the whole argument about respect and self-acceptance, agree warmly with all of it, and lose their temper the same way that…

LongerWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 22:46One line of research

Connection settles people, but the right amount of it varies enormously. Some settle with a house full of family and some with one person and no talking at all.

If closeness costs you something, plan around that rather than pushing through. Shorter visits, sitting side by side instead of face to face, a walk…

Twenty minutesYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 2:260One line of research