Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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177 practices

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Wake gently for a prayer together at night, even once this week.

A shared moment turned toward God, in the quiet of the night, binds two hearts to something larger than themselves.

Twenty minutesShared spiritual lifeCoreQur’an 25:74Seen more than once

A face read quickly is a face read badly. Before you answer what you think you saw, allow that the flat look might be tiredness, or worry about something else entirely.

Faces get processed fast and with very little checking, which is why a neutral expression lands as contempt when you are already braced for it. If it…

A minuteThe moment before you snapCoreQur’an 49:6One line of research

Decide now what you will say when it happens, while nothing is happening. A line chosen in the calm is worth more than any resolve you can summon mid row.

Keep it short and unheroic: I need ten minutes, I am not walking out on you. Say it aloud a few times so your mouth knows the shape of it. And if…

Five minutesThe moment before you snapCoreQur’an 25:63One line of research

Anger does not need volume. A flat face, a hard stare and complete stillness can be the same storm with the sound turned off.

People who never shout often assume they do not have a problem with anger, and the people living with them know otherwise. The test is not how loud…

Five minutesThe moment before you snapCoreQur’an 114:5One line of research

By response rate, extended release stimulants are among the most effective medicines in psychiatry, and most people tolerate them well. That is worth hearing plainly, particularly from people who are not generally keen on medication.

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

What ADHD actually is

Your nervous system

Choosing your response

Equanimity and perspective

Shame

What the long acting form buys you is coverage. A dose that has faded by four in the afternoon leaves the evening bare, and the evening is where home…

A minuteTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 26:80One line of research

People who use several kinds of help tend to report more benefit than people relying on one. Medication, therapy, coaching, reading, sleep and movement all seem to add something rather than compete.

That turns a hard conversation into an easier one. Instead of pressing a reluctant partner towards the single thing they least want, you can offer a…

Five minutesTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 16:69One line of research

Managing the ADHD is not the goal. Being happy together is the goal, and the ADHD work is only worth doing to the extent that it gets you there.

Keeping that order straight changes the atmosphere of the whole effort. A partner who has spent years being a project stops being one. Requests stop…

Five minutesTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 10:57One line of research

A great many people are diagnosed and then left with a starting dose nobody ever revisited, no reading, no group, nothing else at all. If things have stalled, the first thing to check is whether the treatment was ever actually finished.

Optimising is unglamorous and often the quickest thing available. Was the dose ever adjusted upwards, and on what basis. Does the cover reach the…

Twenty minutesTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 65:2One line of research

If the prescriber, coach or therapist is not delivering much, say so and ask for someone else. Working around poor care quietly is the thing that convinces a couple this is simply as good as it gets.

A dose never revisited, or a therapist who has never worked with ADHD, sets a low ceiling. The trouble is that the ceiling gets read as the person:…

Twenty minutesTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 12:87One line of research

Sleep, food and movement will not cure anything, but they lengthen the fuse. Bad moments still arrive, and you handle them differently when your body is not already running on empty.

This matters more here than it sounds, because ADHD tends to wreck exactly these three and then the wreckage feeds back into the flare ups. Late…

Twenty minutesTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 4:28One line of research

Paying someone to help sort the house will not mend the marriage. It will remove one of the things you fight about most weeks, and that counts for more than it sounds.

Nobody should pretend this reaches anything deep. The point is arithmetic. A couple has a certain number of rows in them, and if the living room is…

LongerTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 94:5One line of research

Relationships take a lot of the strain here, and the usual shape is one person quietly carrying all the planning while the other feels constantly told off. Both halves are worth naming out loud before resentment sets hard.

The practical work is splitting the load by what each of you is actually good at rather than down the middle, and putting the shared admin somewhere…

Twenty minutesWhat ADHD actually isADHD skillsQur’an 11:118One line of research

ADHD reaches into a marriage in ways couples rarely say out loud: attention drifting during a conversation that mattered, or a partner who has started to feel like an unpaid manager. It is a fair thing to talk about and to get help with.

The hurt usually comes from what each of you concludes rather than from the behaviour itself. One reads distraction as not being loved, the other…

Twenty minutesWhat ADHD actually isADHD skillsQur’an 11:118One line of research

How you show anger was taught to you long before you had any say. Some households raise their voices and forget it by supper, others go quiet for three days.

Neither is health and neither is illness. They are rules, learned early enough that they feel like instinct. Saying yours out loud is the useful…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 25:63One line of research

Your family had its own rules about anger, quite apart from anything cultural. Those are the ones that shaped you, and they can be renegotiated.

Name two of them plainly. Nobody leaves the table. Whoever shouts loudest wins. We do not mention it the next day. Then ask which you still want.…

Twenty minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 2:263One line of research

Anger moves from person to person in a house, and so does steadiness. Working on your own reactions was never a private project.

You are one of the conditions everyone around you is responding to. When your fuse lengthens, the number of moments that turn into an incident drops…

LongerWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 59:10One line of research

Connection settles people, but the right amount of it varies enormously. Some settle with a house full of family and some with one person and no talking at all.

If closeness costs you something, plan around that rather than pushing through. Shorter visits, sitting side by side instead of face to face, a walk…

Twenty minutesYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 2:260One line of research