Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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1384 practices

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Accepting reality as it is means dropping the fight with what has already happened. It does not mean staying somewhere that is still harming you.

The two get confused often, usually by people who were told to be patient by whoever benefited from their patience. A rough test: acceptance is for…

Five minutesTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 39:10One line of research

Watch for the small thing that happens right as a feeling starts: the reach for a tissue, the laugh, the change of subject. Notice it once and say nothing, notice it again, and only then mention it.

One instance is an incident and three is a pattern, and the difference matters when you name it, because a pattern can be looked at together without…

Five minutesTolerate distressBody basedQur’an 12:83One line of research

Ask what you were taught about crying, about anger, about needing anything. Not what you believe now, but what you were told then, in the words that were actually used.

Most rules about feelings were installed rather than chosen, and once you can hear the original sentence, boys do not cry, do not be so sensitive, it…

Twenty minutesTolerate distressBody basedQur’an 3:186One line of research

Open your mouth and put on a big obvious fake yawn. More often than not a real one follows, and the soft palate lets go with it.

Yawns are catching, so if you are sitting with someone else one of you starting will usually set off the other. Let it be a proper one: jaw wide,…

A minuteTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 8:11One line of research

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Grounding and settling

Growing empathy

The cost of avoiding

Structure and routine

Food, caffeine and fuel

What worry does

Practising under provocation

Cool the body first

Emotions as signals

Treatment and medication

Making it stick

Breathing

What you are actually defending

Being seen and judged

Righteous anger and perfectionism

Shame and stigma

Breaking the worry loop

Feeling from the inside

When anger turns to harm

When you use something to cope

Reading, numbers and learning differences

Remembering to do it

Facing it a step at a time

Tolerate distress

Self-compassion

Anger, alcohol and the body

Use your strengths

Obsessions and compulsions

Posture and how you carry yourself

Living with uncertainty

When the person in front of you starts yawning during body work, it is usually not boredom. Bodies yawn as they let go of what they were holding.

Say so out loud, because most people apologise for it and then clamp down on the very thing that was starting to shift. A simple 'that is a good…

A minuteTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 19:24One line of research

Let the corners of your mouth lift about as much as they would if you had just remembered something mildly pleasant. Not a smile anybody would notice.

This comes from dialectical behaviour therapy, where it is used as a way of softening without pretending. You are not being asked to feel happy, and…

A minuteTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 90:17One line of research

Work one side of your face or body first, then stop and compare. The difference between the treated side and the untreated one is often surprisingly clear.

This is a useful trick if you tend to finish a practice thinking nothing happened. Rather than asking whether you feel better, which is a vague…

A minuteTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 12:96One line of research

End by pressing your palms together and staying there a moment. Each hand is giving and being given to at the same time.

It is a small thing that lands hard for people who only know how to be the one who helps. Notice the warmth and the pressure and notice that you…

A minuteTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 2:187One line of research

Finish by letting your eyes travel slowly from one side to the other a few times, open or closed, then bring them back to the middle and notice how you are.

The idea borrowed from EMDR is that this helps the calmer state settle in rather than evaporate at the door. Whether it does that is not established,…

A minuteTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 39:23One line of research

If light touch makes you squirm but firm deep pressure feels wonderful, that is worth knowing about yourself. It is the same preference behind weighted blankets and a very tight hug.

Once you know it, you can arrange for it: a heavier duvet, a firm rather than gentle massage, sitting with your back against something solid,…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkMedical and treatmentQur’an 16:80One line of research

Lead with what has evidence behind it. Save the thinly supported options for when the person brings them up themselves.

Mentioning something is a form of recommending it, whatever hedges you attach, and families will spend money and hope accordingly. If they raise it,…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkMedical and treatmentQur’an 93:10One line of research

If something is safe, affordable and it helps you, the fact that the effect may be mostly expectation is not a reason to stop.

The test worth applying is practical: is it safe, can I afford it, is it taking the place of something that works better, and would that money and…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkMedical and treatmentQur’an 7:189One line of research

You are not trying to get calm here. You are trying to find out what is actually going on in you, and whatever turns up is the useful part.

If a practice becomes something you can pass or fail, it will quietly join the list of things you are bad at. So drop the target. Ask what you notice…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 39:23One line of research

Most of us hold a whole day around the eyes without knowing it. Scrunch them shut, open them wide, then rest your fingertips lightly over them for a few breaths.

After that, try the small points: the spot between your eyebrows, your temples, the soft dip under each eye where the cheekbone begins. Press only as…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 12:96One line of research

Find the soft place just under and behind your jaw, near your ears, and rest your fingers there. Then open and close your mouth slowly, slide the jaw forwards and back, and draw your chin gently towards your throat.

Jaws get held all day, often by the same hunched screen posture that pushes the head forward. Go slowly enough that nothing clicks or hurts. You may…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 3:159One line of research

If you carry everything in your neck, that is not a separate problem from feeling on edge. The nerve that settles you passes right between the muscles that are gripping.

The ones you can feel most easily run from behind each ear down towards the collarbone, with more just behind them along the side. Rest a warm hand…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 9:128One line of research

Put your right hand flat on your left upper chest, gather the skin gently and draw it downwards, then tilt your head and lift your left ear away from it. Hold there and wait.

You are making a long slow stretch up the front of the neck, not pressing on anything. Wait rather than count: somewhere in the next minute a deeper…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 26:80One line of research

Do not put a clock on any of this. Stay with each position until your body asks for a deeper breath or produces a yawn, then move on.

Timing by the clock turns the practice into another task to be completed. Waiting for a signal teaches you what your own signs of release actually…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 2:187One line of research

After the throat, go straight to the chest. Most people feel the two loosen together, and noticing that link teaches you something about your own wiring.

Sigh the throat open, then put both hands on your breastbone and let the breath drop lower. If you have ever had a lump in your throat and a…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 10:57One line of research

Rest both hands on your chest, feel it lift and fall, and let the breath go low enough that your belly moves too. If someone you love turns up in your mind while you do it, let them stay.

Gratitude works here as well, as long as it is specific and true: one thing from today rather than a list you are supposed to produce. Pets count,…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 30:21One line of research