Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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13 practices

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If drinking is anywhere in the picture, stopping will probably do more for your anger than any technique you could learn. That is not the interesting answer, it is just the one that moves the most.

Skills work at the edges of a hard moment. Alcohol removes the very part of you those skills run on, so you can practise beautifully on a Tuesday…

LongerAnger, alcohol and the bodyMedical and treatmentQur’an 5:91One line of research

Sleep, food, illness and the run of stress you have been carrying set the height of your fuse before anything has even happened. Sort those out and you are simply a calmer person that week, with no insight required.

This is the cheapest work available and it is nearly always skipped, because it feels too obvious to count. Notice when your worst moments land: late…

LongerAnger, alcohol and the bodyMedical and treatmentQur’an 78:9One line of research

Automatic is not the enemy. An out of date automatic is. The aim is to practise the calmer response until it runs on its own, the way the old one already does.

At the start it feels artificial, and it should. You are choosing deliberately what the other response does for free. Give it enough repetitions and…

LongerCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 33:42One line of research

This kind of change is slow, and saying so at the start is a kindness. A goal you can actually reach beats a promise that turns the first bad week into proof of failure.

If you are helping someone, name the timescale honestly and say out loud that lapses come with it. If it is your own work, write down what a…

LongerEquanimity and perspectiveCore

There is more about anger than the practices: the anger area has the themes and the courses too.

Qur’an 2:286

One line of research

Nobody arrives with restraint already fitted. If holding your tongue feels like unnatural work, that is what it is for everyone, and it says nothing about what you are underneath.

This matters because the story you tell about a flare decides what you do next. Broken means give up quietly. Unbuilt means pick one situation, the…

LongerEquanimity and perspectiveCoreQur’an 53:39One line of research

The old reaction does not get erased. You lay a new one over the top of it, and on a tired or unfamiliar day the old one can still come through.

So a flare after months of doing well is not everything undone. That is what relearning looks like, and it tends to turn up alongside broken sleep,…

LongerEquanimity and perspectiveCoreQur’an 3:191One line of research

This is not a milestone you pass. The two year old's version goes, then a version comes back at twenty two, and again at fifty two, wearing whatever clothes that stage of life provides.

So think maintenance rather than course completion. When conditions change, a new baby, a new manager, an illness in the family, expect the old…

LongerEquanimity and perspectiveCoreQur’an 87:17One line of research

It does get better, but not by waiting for time to pass. The improvement comes from the walking, and the walking is small and unremarkable.

Every rep you did today changes almost nothing you can feel, which is the honest and irritating truth of it. Progress here shows up over months and…

LongerMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 92:7One line of research

Anger moves from person to person in a house, and so does steadiness. Working on your own reactions was never a private project.

You are one of the conditions everyone around you is responding to. When your fuse lengthens, the number of moments that turn into an incident drops…

LongerWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 59:10One line of research

The years you spent angry are not written off. The drive that wrecked things is the same drive available now for putting things right.

This is not a way of saying the damage was worth it. It is about what is still in your hands. People who have hurt others through their temper often…

LongerWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 42:40One line of research

Expect the fear underneath to be denied, and do not push against the denial. This idea has to be worked in gently rather than argued in.

Coming at somebody head on with what they are defending sets off exactly the threat response you were hoping to treat. Small, low pressure versions…

LongerWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 68:48One line of research

You will not get the honest version in one go. Ask, let it be refused, carry on with something else, then come back to it later in the same conversation.

A defended story does not collapse, it wears down. Each pass takes a little off it, and the person needs the gaps in between to do the actual…

LongerWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 15:47One line of research

Understanding an idea is not the same as being changed by it. The explaining is soil preparation, and the crop comes later.

Somebody can follow the whole argument about respect and self-acceptance, agree warmly with all of it, and lose their temper the same way that…

LongerWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 22:46One line of research