Areas › Anger
Anger
Almost nobody wants to be the person who says the thing they cannot take back. The window between the surge and the words is short and it can be widened. That is most of what this area is about, along with the fear or hurt that anger is usually protecting.
What works for this
Anger control, with distress tolerance
Anger has a runway, and the earlier you step onto it the less force you need. The work is in the seconds before, not in the explosion, and it starts with the body rather than the thought.
One move, today
Name the first physical sign you get. Jaw, chest, hands, heat in the face. That sign is your only warning, and noticing it is the whole skill.
What matches
2 practicesWhen somebody's anger is filling the room, the bravest sentence available is usually the plainest one: you are frightening me right now.
It gives them a piece of information they almost never have, which is what they are actually doing to the person in front of them. It also puts…
Ask what has been done to this person, not only what they have done. Old harm decides which ordinary things now register as a threat.
Reactions that look wildly out of proportion usually are not, once you know what the moment resembled. A hand raised near a face, a certain tone,…