Areas › Anger
Anger
Almost nobody wants to be the person who says the thing they cannot take back. The window between the surge and the words is short and it can be widened. That is most of what this area is about, along with the fear or hurt that anger is usually protecting.
What works for this
Anger control, with distress tolerance
Anger has a runway, and the earlier you step onto it the less force you need. The work is in the seconds before, not in the explosion, and it starts with the body rather than the thought.
One move, today
Name the first physical sign you get. Jaw, chest, hands, heat in the face. That sign is your only warning, and noticing it is the whole skill.
What matches
3 practicesWhen you catch yourself dodging, just note it. Telling yourself off adds shame to a moment that already had plenty going on.
There is a difference between seeing what you did and grading it. Seeing keeps it available as a choice next time, while grading makes you want to…
When something you thought in the moment actually worked, name it. A line you produced yourself is worth more than any phrase handed to you.
It might be as ordinary as noticing that this person does not know you, or that none of this will matter next week. Write it down while you still…
Going silent and hard is not a neutral act. A fixed stare and a set brow land on the other person's body as threat, even though you have not said a word.
People often think they are being restrained when they go cold, and are then surprised by how frightened or defensive the other person becomes. If…