Areas › Low mood and hard feelings
Low mood and hard feelings
Feelings are information before they are problems. The practices here are about naming what you feel accurately, sitting with what will not move yet, and acting on what matters to you even on the days nothing feels like anything.
What works for this
Behavioural activation
The strongest self help evidence in this whole field says the way out of a flat heavy state is through what you do, not through what you think. You act first and the feeling follows, which is the opposite of what the state tells you.
One move, today
Choose one small thing you used to do and do it today without waiting to feel like it. Ten minutes is enough. Waiting to feel like it is the trap.
What matches
14 practicesThere is motion sitting inside the word emotion. Big feelings come out through the body, so if you cannot keep still while you are grieving, that is the feeling moving rather than something going wrong with you.
Think how strange it would be if someone heard they had come into a fortune and just said thank you and carried on with the morning. Joy gets up and…
Punching something to get the anger out is the piece of grief advice that gets argued over most, and the honest answer is that hitting rarely leaves a person calmer.
Plenty of good people will tell you a bag is better than a wall or a face, and there is something in that. What has not held up is the older idea…
Give the anger a room rather than a target. Music up loud, walk fast, dance badly, shake your arms out until something in you settles.
Some children's grief centres keep a padded room where a child can go in and move however they need to, with nothing to hit and nothing to break.…
Write the exact thing you are furious about on a paper plate, tape it to the wall, and throw wet cotton balls at it. It sounds childish, and it does more than swinging at nothing.
Half the good of it is in the writing. Vague anger has to become a sentence before it can go on the plate, and reading that sentence back usually…
Try putting a sentence between you and the mood: this is what my brain is doing right now. It does not make me a bad person, and it does not mean I cannot cope. It just feels that way today.
Low mood does not arrive labelled as a mood. It arrives as facts about you, that you are useless, that nobody wants you around, and it is very hard…
A medicine that lifts drive is not the same as one that settles anxiety, and for some people the energising kind makes the worry louder.
Bupropion is the clearest example: often good for flatness and lack of motivation, often unhelpful on its own when anxiety and a racing, sleepless…
Put something in before you take something out. Removing the only way a person has of coping leaves them with nothing, which is not safer.
In practice this looks like smaller steps than a promise to stop: cutting the frequency, changing what is used, agreeing to wait ten minutes and do…
Shame is visible before it is spoken. Shallow breath, eyes down, shoulders curling in, a voice gone small: the body says it first.
Learn your own version so you can catch it early, and learn to spot it in others without pointing at it like a diagnosis. When you notice the…
If you can see shame arriving in someone, say so gently and make it welcome. Something like: it looks like there is some shame here, and it is alright that it came.
Naming it does the opposite of exposing it. Left unnamed it works away in private, and the person assumes you have noticed and are judging. Said out…
Telling someone it was not their fault often bounces straight off, and there is a reason for that. Self blame can be the safer of the two stories, and you are asking them to give up shelter.
So do not lead with the correction. Say instead that it makes complete sense they landed there, that a child needs their parents to be good more than…
Let your face go. Unclench the jaw, let the lips lift very slightly, and let the loosening carry back through your head and shoulders.
You are not pretending to be happy and nobody has to see it. The face holds a lot of the tension of a bad state, and it is one of the few parts you…
You are allowed to put something down. Put it down with a time to pick it up again: Thursday morning, with my therapist, not tonight.
Without the appointment, setting it aside quietly turns into never touching it, and the thing keeps all its power by never being looked at. With the…
Putting a film on, reading, letting the internet have an hour, all of it counts as a real skill when you choose it on purpose and know what you are choosing it for.
The version that hurts is the one you fall into without deciding and feel ashamed of afterwards. Choosing changes the whole thing: I am not up to…
When a feeling is genuinely unbearable, escaping it is the only regulator you have, so the drinking or the shutting down is doing a job. Build up what you can bear and the job disappears.
It helps to stop asking why you keep reaching for the thing and start asking what state you were in just before you reached. Usually it is a…