Lesson 3 of 6 · Kazm al ghayz is not silence
Strength, redefined, and a ceiling on the response
Notice what the reports below do to the word strong. Not the man who can put another man down. The one who holds himself while the anger is actually running. That is a statement about capacity, and capacity is only needed where there is something real to hold.
Muslim's version keeps the question and the answer, which is the version to read aloud. They ask him who the strong man is, and he tells them: the one who controls himself in a fit of rage.
And on anger about something genuinely wrong, which is not the same subject, the Qur'an sets a ceiling of proportion on any response, and then says immediately that patience and pardon are better. A ceiling is not the same as a prohibition, and the tradition does distinguish anger for the sake of God from anger for the self. Where that line falls in your situation is a scholar's question.
Qur’an and Sunnah
On anger about something genuinely wrong, which is not the same subject, the Qur'an sets a ceiling of proportion on any response. A ceiling is not the same as a prohibition.
وَإِنۡ عَاقَبۡتُمۡ فَعَاقِبُواْ بِمِثۡلِ مَا عُوقِبۡتُم بِهِۦۖ وَلَئِن صَبَرۡتُمۡ لَهُوَ خَيۡرࣱ لِّلصَّٰبِرِينَ
If you [believers] have to respond to an attack, make your response proportionate, but it is best to stand fast
Qur’an 16:126
It comes immediately after the ceiling of proportion, so the response is bounded first and then something better than the response is named.
وَلَمَن صَبَرَ وَغَفَرَ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ لَمِنۡ عَزۡمِ ٱلۡأُمُورِ
though if a person is patient and forgives, this is one of the greatest things
Qur’an 42:43
Notice what this does to the word strong. Not the man who can put another man down. The one who holds himself while the anger is actually running. That is a statement about capacity, and capacity is only needed where there is something real to hold.
Narrated Abu Huraira:Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger
Sahih al-Bukhari 6114graded sound, sahihaynthe Arabic and its grading
Muslim's version, which keeps the question and the answer and is the one to read aloud. They ask him who the strong man is, and he tells them.
Abu Huraira reported:I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: One is not strong because of one's wrestling skillfully. They said: Allah's Messenger, then who is strong? He said: He who controls his anger when he is in a fit of rage
Sahih Muslim 2609graded sound, sahihaynthe Arabic and its grading
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.