Lesson 5 of 6 · What feeds it, and what to stop adding
One. Asking again
Reassurance is the most socially acceptable feeder there is, because it looks like sensible information gathering and it involves people being kind to you.
It behaves the way checking behaves. The relief is real and it is short, and the need comes back bigger. The person answering has no idea they are part of a loop.
This is information, not an instruction. Nobody here is telling you to stop asking, and stopping abruptly on your own is not something a page can talk you through safely. Knowing what the asking is doing is the useful part for now.
What the research says
Asking for reassurance works the same way as checking: it lowers the distress now and keeps the doubt alive over time. That is why the relief never lasts as long as you expect.
Reassurance seeking behaves like overt checking. It lowers distress in the moment and keeps the doubt going over time.
Parrish CL, Radomsky AS (2010). Why do people seek reassurance and check repeatedly? An investigation of factors involved in compulsive behavior in OCD and depression. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 24(2), 211 to 222
The same point tested directly: what you do to feel safe is what stops your fear ever being disproved. It looks sensible from the outside, which is why it survives.
The experimental version of the same point. What is done to feel safe is what stops the fear being disconfirmed, however sensible it looks from outside.
Salkovskis PM, Clark DM, Hackmann A, Wells A, Gelder MG (1999). An experimental investigation of the role of safety-seeking behaviours in the maintenance of panic disorder with agoraphobia. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 37(6), 559 to 574 doi