Lesson 1 of 6 · What grief actually does

Loss is named as loss, and sorrow is not a failure

Two things at the start, and they are quieter than the usual quotations.

The Qur'an names the tests as what they are, loss of life and of wealth and of fruits, and gives good tidings to the patient, the ones who say we belong to Allah and to Him we return. It does not ask the bereaved to call the loss something other than a loss. And every soul tasting death is a baseline, though it is worth saying that of all the verses, that one is the one most often used to shut a grieving person up, and it is not being used that way here.

Then the report below, on what befalls a believer. Look at the list in it. Fatigue, disease, sorrow, sadness, hurt, distress, down to the prick of a thorn. Sorrow and sadness are in the list. The tradition already treats grief as something that happens to a believer, not as something a believer has failed at.

Qur’an and Sunnah

The Qur'an names the tests as what they are. Loss of life and of wealth and of fruits, with good tidings given to the patient. It does not ask the bereaved to call the loss something other than a loss.

وَلَنَبۡلُوَنَّكُم بِشَيۡءࣲ مِّنَ ٱلۡخَوۡفِ وَٱلۡجُوعِ وَنَقۡصࣲ مِّنَ ٱلۡأَمۡوَٰلِ وَٱلۡأَنفُسِ وَٱلثَّمَرَٰتِۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلصَّٰبِرِينَ

We shall certainly test you with fear and hunger, and loss of property, lives, and crops. But [Prophet], give good news to those who are steadfast

Qur’an 2:155

That is who the good news is for, and it is the sentence a bereaved Muslim is given to say rather than one said at them.

ٱلَّذِينَ إِذَآ أَصَٰبَتۡهُم مُّصِيبَةࣱ قَالُوٓاْ إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّآ إِلَيۡهِ رَٰجِعُونَ

those who say, when afflicted with a calamity, ‘We belong to God and to Him we shall return.’

Qur’an 2:156

The three verses are one passage and are shown whole rather than stopped at the word loss.

أُوْلَٰٓئِكَ عَلَيۡهِمۡ صَلَوَٰتࣱ مِّن رَّبِّهِمۡ وَرَحۡمَةࣱۖ وَأُوْلَٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلۡمُهۡتَدُونَ

These will be given blessings and mercy from their Lord, and it is they who are rightly guided

Qur’an 2:157

Every soul will taste death. It is a baseline rather than a consolation, and it sets the ground everything after it stands on.

كُلُّ نَفۡسࣲ ذَآئِقَةُ ٱلۡمَوۡتِۗ وَإِنَّمَا تُوَفَّوۡنَ أُجُورَكُمۡ يَوۡمَ ٱلۡقِيَٰمَةِۖ فَمَن زُحۡزِحَ عَنِ ٱلنَّارِ وَأُدۡخِلَ ٱلۡجَنَّةَ فَقَدۡ فَازَۗ وَمَا ٱلۡحَيَوٰةُ ٱلدُّنۡيَآ إِلَّا مَتَٰعُ ٱلۡغُرُورِ

Every soul will taste death and you will be paid in full only on the Day of Resurrection. Whoever is kept away from the Fire and admitted to the Garden will have triumphed. The present world is only an illusory pleasure

Qur’an 3:185

Every soul will taste death. The same baseline stated a second time, and of all the verses this is the one most often used to shut a grieving person up. It is not being used that way here.

كُلُّ نَفۡسࣲ ذَآئِقَةُ ٱلۡمَوۡتِۗ وَنَبۡلُوكُم بِٱلشَّرِّ وَٱلۡخَيۡرِ فِتۡنَةࣰۖ وَإِلَيۡنَا تُرۡجَعُونَ

Every soul is certain to taste death: We test you all through the bad and the good, and to Us you will all return

Qur’an 21:35

Look at the list in this one. Fatigue, disease, sorrow, sadness, hurt, distress, down to the prick of a thorn. Sorrow and sadness are in the list, which is the point. Grief is already treated as something that happens to a believer rather than as something a believer has failed at.

Narrated Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira:The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that

Sahih al-Bukhari 5641graded sound, sahihaynthe Arabic and its grading

Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.