Two. The sentences, and what they are actually for

Everything happens for a reason. It was not meant to be. At least you know you can conceive. Be patient, this is a test. Have you tried relaxing about it. Are you sure you are not doing something wrong.

Most of these come out of somebody's discomfort rather than out of any belief they hold. The person wants the conversation to be all right again, and reaches for the nearest thing that would make it all right, and hands it to you.

One of them is different and it should be rejected outright rather than understood. That this happened because of something you did. That is a claim about your conduct made from an outcome, by somebody who cannot know, and there is no version of it that is safe to entertain. It is not a harsh test of your faith. It is just wrong.

Sabr, in the tradition, is not the absence of grief and it never has been. Ibn al-Qayyim, in Uddat as-Sabirin, defines it as فالصبر حبس النفس عن الجزع واللسان عن التشكي والجوارح عن لطم الخدود وشق الثياب, our rendering, sabr is holding the self back from jaza', the tongue from complaining, and the limbs from striking the cheeks and tearing the clothes. Read the list. Grief is not on it.

And where somebody held that affliction and ease should feel the same to a person, he answered قلت وهذا غير مقدور ولا مأمور به فقد ركب الله الطباع على التفريق بين الحالتين, our rendering, I say that this is neither within a person's power nor commanded, for Allah built human nature to tell the two states apart. What is asked of you is the holding back from jaza'. Feeling the difference was never the thing you were supposed to stop.