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Areas › Worry and anxiety › Breaking the worry loop
If this sounds like soft advice, try it as a technical one instead: long slow breaths out, shoulders down, jaw unclenched, and give it a few minutes rather than a few seconds. You are not trying to feel wonderful. You are removing one of the inputs that keeps the alarm convinced. Judge it by whether the next hour goes better, not by how it feels at the time.
celebrate His praise during the night, and at the beginning and end of the day, so that you may find contentment (Quran 20:130). A practice at set points, with settledness named as the aim.
طه
فَٱصۡبِرۡ عَلَىٰ مَا يَقُولُونَ وَسَبِّحۡ بِحَمۡدِ رَبِّكَ قَبۡلَ طُلُوعِ ٱلشَّمۡسِ وَقَبۡلَ غُرُوبِهَاۖ وَمِنۡ ءَانَآيِٕ ٱلَّيۡلِ فَسَبِّحۡ وَأَطۡرَافَ ٱلنَّهَارِ لَعَلَّكَ تَرۡضَىٰ
so [Prophet] be patient with what they say- celebrate the praise of your Lord, before the rising and setting of the sun, celebrate His praise during the night, and at the beginning and end of the day, so that you may find contentment
Qur’an 20:130read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a laboratory experiment, mindful breathing produced more standing back from repetitive thoughts, and less bad feeling about having them, than progressive muscle relaxation or loving kindness meditation did. So how you settle seems to matter, not just that you settle. There is a catch worth knowing: another study found relaxation itself can bring on anxiety in some people with generalised anxiety disorder or depression, apparently because the drop into calm feels exposed.
Feldman G, Greeson J, Senville J. (2010). Differential effects of mindful breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and loving-kindness meditation on decentering and negative reactions to repetitive thoughts.. Behaviour research and therapy doi
Kim H, Newman MG. (2019). The paradox of relaxation training: Relaxation induced anxiety and mediation effects of negative contrast sensitivity in generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder.. Journal of affective disorders doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A tense body feeds the sense of threat, so settling it removes part of what the alarm is reading.
If breathing or relaxation exercises reliably leave you more anxious rather than less, that is a recognised pattern and worth working through with a therapist rather than pushing on alone.
With a child, make it a job rather than a lesson. They are the detective, the worried thought is the claim, and the task is to collect what supports it and what does not before deciding anything.
Do not tell a child their thinking is wrong, and do not hand them the better thought. Ask the questions and let them arrive at it themselves.
Asking again and again whether it will be alright, and being told yes, buys a few seconds of calm and guarantees the next round of asking. The kindness in the answer is what keeps it going.