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Areas › Worry and anxiety › The cost of avoiding
Hovering, chatting, sitting alongside them with a cup of tea: all of it is lovely, and all of it makes the day at home better than the day at school. Think of the role as a teacher watching a study period, present and pleasant and not much fun. Then be properly warm once the school day is over, when it costs nothing and everyone needs it.
God will find a way out for those who are mindful of Him (Quran 65:2). A parent doing something this uncomfortable is not left to manage on their own strength.
الطلاق
فَإِذَا بَلَغۡنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَأَمۡسِكُوهُنَّ بِمَعۡرُوفٍ أَوۡ فَارِقُوهُنَّ بِمَعۡرُوفࣲ وَأَشۡهِدُواْ ذَوَيۡ عَدۡلࣲ مِّنكُمۡ وَأَقِيمُواْ ٱلشَّهَٰدَةَ لِلَّهِۚ ذَٰلِكُمۡ يُوعَظُ بِهِۦ مَن كَانَ يُؤۡمِنُ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡيَوۡمِ ٱلۡأٓخِرِۚ وَمَن يَتَّقِ ٱللَّهَ يَجۡعَل لَّهُۥ مَخۡرَجࣰ ا
When they have completed their appointed term, either keep them honourably, or part with them honourably. Call two just witnesses from your people and establish witness for the sake of God. Anyone who believes in God and the Last Day should heed this: God will find a way out for those who are mindful of Him
Qur’an 65:2read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In people with generalised anxiety disorder, avoidance, safety behaviours and reassurance seeking were each measurable, moved during behavioural therapy, and predicted how people fared later. These were adults with a diagnosis, in a re-analysis of trial data rather than a study of families. The transferable part is that reassurance sits in the same family as the other avoidance behaviours, however kindly it is meant.
Katja Beesdo‐Baum; Elsa Jenjahn; Michael Höfler; Ulrike Lueken; Eni S. Becker; Jürgen Hoyer (2012). AVOIDANCE, SAFETY BEHAVIOR, AND REASSURANCE SEEKING IN GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER. Depression and Anxiety doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Attention is one of the strongest rewards there is, so where you place it in the day matters more than how much of it you give.
Somewhere between five and ten children in every hundred struggle to get to school at some point, and one or two of those need real help with it. Your family is not a strange case.
A child coming back after weeks away is walking towards a mountain of missed work. Cut that mountain down before the return date, or it will punish them for coming.
The first day back is worse than the weeks before it, not better. Plan for that spike rather than letting it take you by surprise.