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Areas › Anger › When anger turns to harm
Some people arrive with the language of a programme or a court already fitted to them, and it closes down the question of what drives the behaviour before anyone has asked it. Others use the word to punish themselves. Either way, accepting the frame whole means treating the name rather than the mechanism, and you get agreement without change. Ask instead what happens in the few minutes beforehand, and what the behaviour seems to be protecting.
If anger in your home has become frightening for anyone, self help is not the right tool. Please reach for real help.
Those who remember God and implore forgiveness for their sins if they do something shameful or wrong themselves, and who never knowingly persist in doing wrong (Quran 3:135). The line drawn here is about what a person does and keeps doing, not about the name they carry.
آل عمران
وَٱلَّذِينَ إِذَا فَعَلُواْ فَٰحِشَةً أَوۡ ظَلَمُوٓاْ أَنفُسَهُمۡ ذَكَرُواْ ٱللَّهَ فَٱسۡتَغۡفَرُواْ لِذُنُوبِهِمۡ وَمَن يَغۡفِرُ ٱلذُّنُوبَ إِلَّا ٱللَّهُ وَلَمۡ يُصِرُّواْ عَلَىٰ مَا فَعَلُواْ وَهُمۡ يَعۡلَمُونَ
those who remember God and implore forgiveness for their sins if they do something shameful or wrong themselves- who forgives sins but God?- and who never knowingly persist in doing wrong
Qur’an 3:135read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A meta-analysis of batterer intervention programmes with non-treated comparison groups found effects on domestic violence recidivism that were small and inconsistent across outcome sources. Those are programmes organised around an offence category rather than around any particular mechanism. The finding does not say nothing works, only that grouping people by the label has not delivered much so far.
Cheng SY, Davis M, Jonson-Reid M, Yaeger L. (2021). Compared to What? A Meta-Analysis of Batterer Intervention Studies Using Nontreated Controls or Comparisons.. Trauma, violence & abuse doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
You can only change something you have described accurately.
Ask it plainly. Do you think you are a threat to anyone you love? A vague anger problem turns into something workable the moment it has a name attached to it.
Whatever is driving it, behaviour that frightens someone is frightening. The reason behind it does not soften what it was like to stand on the other side of it.
An act meant to be heard rather than to end a life can still end one. Whatever you believe about the intent, lethality is a separate question and it always gets asked.