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Areas › Anger › Growing empathy
Explanations that hang on a single chemical are memorable and usually too tidy, and the studies behind the popular version are often small. None of that touches whether a shared meal is good for you. Do the thing. If somebody asks why it works, you are allowed to say that people seem to do better with it and nobody is entirely sure why.
Goodness does not consist in turning your face towards East or West (Quran 2:177). The verse then locates goodness in what people actually give and keep and endure, rather than in the theory behind it.
البقرة
۞لَّيۡسَ ٱلۡبِرَّ أَن تُوَلُّواْ وُجُوهَكُمۡ قِبَلَ ٱلۡمَشۡرِقِ وَٱلۡمَغۡرِبِ وَلَٰكِنَّ ٱلۡبِرَّ مَنۡ ءَامَنَ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡيَوۡمِ ٱلۡأٓخِرِ وَٱلۡمَلَٰٓئِكَةِ وَٱلۡكِتَٰبِ وَٱلنَّبِيِّـۧنَ وَءَاتَى ٱلۡمَالَ عَلَىٰ حُبِّهِۦ ذَوِي ٱلۡقُرۡبَىٰ وَٱلۡيَتَٰمَىٰ وَٱلۡمَسَٰكِينَ وَٱبۡنَ ٱلسَّبِيلِ وَٱلسَّآئِلِينَ وَفِي ٱلرِّقَابِ وَأَقَامَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَءَاتَى ٱلزَّكَوٰةَ وَٱلۡمُوفُونَ بِعَهۡدِهِمۡ إِذَا عَٰهَدُواْۖ وَٱلصَّٰبِرِينَ فِي ٱلۡبَأۡسَآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَحِينَ ٱلۡبَأۡسِۗ أُوْلَٰٓئِكَ ٱلَّذِينَ صَدَقُواْۖ وَأُوْلَٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلۡمُتَّقُونَ
Goodness does not consist in turning your face towards East or West. The truly good are those who believe in God and the Last Day, in the angels, the Scripture, and the prophets; who give away some of their wealth, however much they cherish it, to their relatives, to orphans, the needy, travellers and beggars, and to liberate those in bondage; those who keep up the prayer and pay the prescribed alms; who keep pledges whenever they make them; who are steadfast in misfortune, adversity, and times of danger. These are the ones who are true, and it is they who are aware of God
Qur’an 2:177read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
In a pilot trial, 43 people with chronic low back pain were randomised to an eight week loving-kindness programme or to standard care, and the practice reduced pain and anger. It was a pilot with a small sample, so the size of the effect is uncertain. What it shows is that a simple warmth practice can be tested on its own terms, with no reference to any mechanism at all.
Carson JW, Keefe FJ, Lynch TR, Carson KM, Goli V, Fras AM, Thorp SR. (2005). Loving-kindness meditation for chronic low back pain: results from a pilot trial.. Journal of holistic nursing : official journal of the American Holistic Nurses' Association doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A practice can be worth keeping even when the explanation offered for it turns out to be wrong.
It is tempting to decide that a cruel person simply came without the wiring for feeling. That story is far more confident than the research allows, and it quietly excuses you from seeing them as a person.
You can feel for the child in front of you and still keep the consequence you set. Being moved was never meant to be the thing that decides.
Closeness arrives much faster in a small group that keeps meeting than in a wide circle you see now and then. If you want to feel less alone, pick the small thing that repeats.