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Areas › Your marriage › Shared spiritual life
Go, I am here if it wobbles. A secure base is what lets someone venture out bravely.
Help one another in goodness and mindfulness of God (Qur'an 5:2). Backing a good venture is that help, closest to home.
المائدة
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا تُحِلُّواْ شَعَٰٓئِرَ ٱللَّهِ وَلَا ٱلشَّهۡرَ ٱلۡحَرَامَ وَلَا ٱلۡهَدۡيَ وَلَا ٱلۡقَلَٰٓئِدَ وَلَآ ءَآمِّينَ ٱلۡبَيۡتَ ٱلۡحَرَامَ يَبۡتَغُونَ فَضۡلࣰ ا مِّن رَّبِّهِمۡ وَرِضۡوَٰنࣰ اۚ وَإِذَا حَلَلۡتُمۡ فَٱصۡطَادُواْۚ وَلَا يَجۡرِمَنَّكُمۡ شَنَـَٔانُ قَوۡمٍ أَن صَدُّوكُمۡ عَنِ ٱلۡمَسۡجِدِ ٱلۡحَرَامِ أَن تَعۡتَدُواْۘ وَتَعَاوَنُواْ عَلَى ٱلۡبِرِّ وَٱلتَّقۡوَىٰۖ وَلَا تَعَاوَنُواْ عَلَى ٱلۡإِثۡمِ وَٱلۡعُدۡوَٰنِۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَۖ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ شَدِيدُ ٱلۡعِقَابِ
so, you who believe, do not violate the sanctity of God’s rites, the Sacred Month, the offerings, their garlands, nor those going to the Sacred House to seek the bounty and pleasure of their Lord––but when you have completed the rites of pilgrimage you may hunt. Do not let your hatred for the people who barred you from the Sacred Mosque induce you to break the law: help one another to do what is right and good; do not help one another towards sin and hostility. Be mindful of God, for His punishment is severe
Qur’an 5:2read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Emotionally focused therapy holds that a partner is both a haven to come back to and a base to set out from. Telling your spouse to go, and that you have got them if it wobbles, is what makes the risk feel takeable.
Susan M. Johnson (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: EFT with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford
The attachment frame. Johnson holds that adult partners function as attachment figures, a safe haven in distress and a secure base to go out from, and that distress is best read as a protest at the loss of that connection rather than as a skills deficit.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Being a secure base frees a partner to grow and take healthy risks.
Where this sits: EFT, attachment frame: the secure base a partner ventures out from.