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Areas › Your marriage › Staying regulated in conflict
One breath is a doorway between the trigger and the reaction. Step through it.
When something stirs you, the Qur'an says to seek refuge with God. One slow breath before you answer is where that turning actually happens.
آل عمران
ٱلَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلۡكَٰظِمِينَ ٱلۡغَيۡظَ وَٱلۡعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُحۡسِنِينَ
who give, both in prosperity and adversity, who restrain their anger and pardon people- God loves those who do good
Qur’an 3:134read it in the library
فصلت
وَإِمَّا يَنزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ نَزۡغࣱ فَٱسۡتَعِذۡ بِٱللَّهِۖ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلسَّمِيعُ ٱلۡعَلِيمُ
If a prompting from Satan should stir you, seek refuge with God: He is the All Hearing and the All Knowing
Qur’an 41:36read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
The first of Johnson's five macro-moves is to slow the moment down and notice what is happening inside you as it happens. One deliberate breath before your next move in a fight is that in miniature, a gap wide enough to choose your response rather than fire it off.
Susan M. Johnson (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: EFT with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford
The EFT Tango, the five macro-moves: mirror the present process, assemble and deepen the emotion, choreograph an engaged encounter, process that encounter, and integrate it. Johnson holds the sequence is the same whatever the presenting problem.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A single conscious pause lets the thinking brain back into the room.
Where this sits: EFT, EFT Tango Move 1: Mirroring Present Process, catching your reaction before you make it.