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Areas › Your marriage › Staying regulated in conflict
Accepting influence from your partner is strength, not weakness. Generosity in giving in wins the relationship.
Do not forget to be generous towards one another (Quran 2:237). Yielding with generosity is the exact spirit named here.
البقرة
وَإِن طَلَّقۡتُمُوهُنَّ مِن قَبۡلِ أَن تَمَسُّوهُنَّ وَقَدۡ فَرَضۡتُمۡ لَهُنَّ فَرِيضَةࣰ فَنِصۡفُ مَا فَرَضۡتُمۡ إِلَّآ أَن يَعۡفُونَ أَوۡ يَعۡفُوَاْ ٱلَّذِي بِيَدِهِۦ عُقۡدَةُ ٱلنِّكَاحِۚ وَأَن تَعۡفُوٓاْ أَقۡرَبُ لِلتَّقۡوَىٰۚ وَلَا تَنسَوُاْ ٱلۡفَضۡلَ بَيۡنَكُمۡۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ بِمَا تَعۡمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ
If you divorce wives before consummating the marriage but after fixing a bride-gift for them, then give them half of what you had previously fixed, unless they waive [their right], or unless the one who holds the marriage tie waives [his right]. Waiving [your right] is nearer to godliness, so do not forget to be generous towards one another: God sees what you do
Qur’an 2:237read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Gottman's newlywed research found that partners who accept influence, yielding readily rather than digging in, have markedly more stable relationships. Giving ground graciously is a way of sharing power, which is why it strengthens rather than costs.
John M. Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown
Principle 4, Let Your Partner Influence You. A marriage works when each partner yields on something in order to win the relationship, and a husband who refuses to accept influence is at high risk of the marriage ending.
Gottman, J.; Coan, J.; Carrere, S.; Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting Marital Happiness and Stability from Newlywed Interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family doi
Newlywed interaction patterns; accepting influence; soft start-up.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Willingly accepting a partner's influence, yielding graciously, predicts a stronger, more stable relationship.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Manage Conflict; accepting influence (yield to win).