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Areas › Your marriage › Fondness and admiration
Not assumed, said. You matter to me, here is one reason. The heart needs to hear it.
The servants of the Merciful pray for joy in their spouses (Qur'an 25:74). To tell your spouse they matter is to give that joy words.
الفرقان
وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنࣲ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
those who pray, ‘Our Lord, give us joy in our spouses and offspring. Make us good examples to those who are aware of You’
Qur’an 25:74read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
The question Johnson puts under most conflict is whether you matter to the person you love. Saying plainly that your spouse matters, and naming one reason, answers directly what silence leaves them guessing at.
Susan M. Johnson (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown
A.R.E.: Are you Accessible, Responsive and Engaged? Johnson holds that every quarrel is a variation on one attachment question, can I reach you, and that a partner who can answer yes to the three provides the safe haven the bond depends on.
Strength of evidence: seen more than once. Replicated observational or longitudinal work, not tested against a control.
Explicit affirmation of a partner's importance answers the core attachment need.
Where this sits: EFT, A.R.E.: answering the question of whether you matter to me.