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Areas › Your marriage › Fondness and admiration
That thing you did last year, I still think about it. Bring the good memory into today.
The servants of the Merciful pray, our Lord, give us joy in our spouses (Qur'an 25:74). Naming a proud memory is that joy, spoken.
الفرقان
وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنࣲ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
those who pray, ‘Our Lord, give us joy in our spouses and offspring. Make us good examples to those who are aware of You’
Qur’an 25:74read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Gottman's fondness and admiration work includes rehearsing the good history, because how a couple tells its past shapes how they feel in the present. Speaking a proud memory aloud brings that warmth into today.
John M. Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown
Principle 2, Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration. An active habit of appreciation is the antidote to contempt, which Gottman names the single greatest predictor of divorce. Fondness is rebuilt by rehearsing what is right about the partner rather than by waiting to feel it.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Rehearsing positive memories strengthens the couple's shared story and fondness.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Share Fondness and Admiration; rehearsing the couple's positive history.