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Areas › Your marriage › Knowing your partner
People keep becoming someone new. Ask about the new thing rather than assuming the old.
In the remembrance of God hearts find rest (Qur'an 13:28). Attending to who your spouse is becoming is a small, steady remembrance.
الرعد
ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ وَتَطۡمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُم بِذِكۡرِ ٱللَّهِۗ أَلَا بِذِكۡرِ ٱللَّهِ تَطۡمَئِنُّ ٱلۡقُلُوبُ
those who have faith and whose hearts find peace in the remembrance of God- truly it is in the remembrance of God that hearts find peace
Qur’an 13:28read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Gottman's warning is that partners drift apart when each stops noticing who the other has become. Asking about the change instead of assuming the older version keeps your love map current.
John M. Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown
Principle 1, Enhance Your Love Map. Emotionally intelligent couples keep a detailed internal map of the partner's world, their worries, hopes, history and daily pressures, and that stored knowledge is what keeps them oriented to each other when life changes.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Partners drift when each stops updating who the other has become.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Build Love Maps; updating the map as a partner changes.